Me - You just described a young Dick Van Dyke . . . like exactly.
Can we all just agree to agree that I'm right about this?
(Yes, his eyes are blue)
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
I can't make this stuff up/ Conversations among siblings
My oldest sister - I would only consider having a kid if I could genetically engineer it . . . and I wouldn't want it to look like me. It would be a boy . . . blue eyes . . . dark hair . . . tall . . . and skinny.
Me - You just described a young Dick Van Dyke . . . like exactly.
Can we all just agree to agree that I'm right about this?
(Yes, his eyes are blue)
Me - You just described a young Dick Van Dyke . . . like exactly.
Can we all just agree to agree that I'm right about this?
(Yes, his eyes are blue)
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
These are My Confessions - Usher
Speaking of Usher (Usher has a song/album called 'Confessions'), did you know me and him have the same birthday? Pretty neat, right?
Anyway, on to my confession.
As most of you may know, I tend to develop crushes on famous comedians. There's a long list of them, all usually in their late 30's to mid 40's, but none of you really now who the first one was.
Sure, you may think it was Peter Scolari, hell, even I used to think that . . . but looking back, I realized these crushes started much, much earlier.
His name - Big Bird.
Anyway, on to my confession.
As most of you may know, I tend to develop crushes on famous comedians. There's a long list of them, all usually in their late 30's to mid 40's, but none of you really now who the first one was.
Sure, you may think it was Peter Scolari, hell, even I used to think that . . . but looking back, I realized these crushes started much, much earlier.
His name - Big Bird.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
The Great Grammar Challenge of 2012
April . . . something or other . . . a day that will go down in grammar history. A day that would make my 6th, 7th and 8th grade English teacher, Miss Debbie Stringer, proud.
Not of me, but of someone I once worked with (although it was for a short period, and I hardly remember him).
His name is John Alexander, and he . . . is a grammar genius.
It all started a few weeks ago when my sister-in-law came home distraught. Distraught over a recent discovery in a song that has recently become popular around the world and in our own home as well.
There was/is a grammatical error.
Yes, you read that right. A grammatical error.
Upon hearing this, I can't say that my faith in the American music industry wasn't shaken.
These are supposed to be well educated, upstanding citizens, I thought. If we can't count on them to use proper grammar, who can we count on?
With this kind of misuse of the English language going on, what will become of our children . . . and our children's children?
How can we expect them to learn when we don't even know how to properly say what we want to say!?
Outraged and ashamed, I decided to put a friends knowledge to the test.
I had been in California a week prior and visited with my friend Steve Murray, a person who also can't stand improper grammar. If he could find the mistake, maybe there was still hope. I don't know why this would insure hope in America's future, but I was also bored and wanted to see if he could find the error.
I texted him exclaiming, "Grammar Challenge! There is an error in the song 'We are Young' by the band Fun., can you find it?" (It is important to note at this point that the bands name is Fun with a period after it, so the comma I just put after that period is not a mistake).
Steve, being extremely confident in his ability to correct any and all grammar mistakes, accepted the challenge and began working feverishly to find it.
Over the next 3 days he spent day and night looking for the error. He called in sick to work, skipped his church choir practice, and drank Red Bull after Red Bull, until finally . . . he gave up. He just didn't see it.
Disappointed and ashamed in himself, he spent the next five days curled up in a ball on his feux leather sofa, watching episode after episode of The Dick Van Dyke show, and crying himself to sleep at night.
Finally, on the sixth day, in a fit of drunken rage, he punched several holes in his dining room wall. When his roommate, John Alexander, came home that night, he asked Steve what the hell was going on?
After explaining what had happened, John too, became intrigued by the challenge, and offered his help.
With no one else to turn to, Steve, although still drunk, graciously accepted.
After just minutes of looking over a written version of the lyrics, John triumphantly found the error and explained it to Steve.
So there you have it. A happy ending to my story. As long as there are people like John, willing to patiently teach the rules of grammar to the confused and misunderstood, our country might just stand a chance.
As in all challenges, there was of course a prize . . . and since this prize was coming from me, I'm sure that you can guess just what is was . . . an envelope.
One for Steve, for taking the time to learn just exactly what is wrong with that song, and one for John, the hero of this story.
And this one for John . . . because who doesn't like Star Wars? Although, after speaking with my brother about it, I was informed that Boba Fett would have been a better way to go. I said, "but he is hardly even in the movie!". "Doesn't matter," he replied, "he's fricken' awesome!"
Touche brother, touche.
Each envelope is accompanied with a Certificate of Authenticity to assure the owner that it was indeed made by these (my) magic hands.
So now, I challenge all of you, with the promise of one of my envelopes that will be especially tailored to what you like, as a prize, to find the grammatical error in the song for which this post is based on.
* The events of this story may have been altered for dramatic effect.
** All grammatical errors in this story are hereby null and void by authority of . . . me.
*** Sure, there have been promises of prizes in previous posts, but this time I mean it.
Click here to go directly to the lyrics of the song.
Not of me, but of someone I once worked with (although it was for a short period, and I hardly remember him).
His name is John Alexander, and he . . . is a grammar genius.
It all started a few weeks ago when my sister-in-law came home distraught. Distraught over a recent discovery in a song that has recently become popular around the world and in our own home as well.
There was/is a grammatical error.
Yes, you read that right. A grammatical error.
Upon hearing this, I can't say that my faith in the American music industry wasn't shaken.
These are supposed to be well educated, upstanding citizens, I thought. If we can't count on them to use proper grammar, who can we count on?
With this kind of misuse of the English language going on, what will become of our children . . . and our children's children?
How can we expect them to learn when we don't even know how to properly say what we want to say!?
Outraged and ashamed, I decided to put a friends knowledge to the test.
I had been in California a week prior and visited with my friend Steve Murray, a person who also can't stand improper grammar. If he could find the mistake, maybe there was still hope. I don't know why this would insure hope in America's future, but I was also bored and wanted to see if he could find the error.
I texted him exclaiming, "Grammar Challenge! There is an error in the song 'We are Young' by the band Fun., can you find it?" (It is important to note at this point that the bands name is Fun with a period after it, so the comma I just put after that period is not a mistake).
Steve, being extremely confident in his ability to correct any and all grammar mistakes, accepted the challenge and began working feverishly to find it.
Over the next 3 days he spent day and night looking for the error. He called in sick to work, skipped his church choir practice, and drank Red Bull after Red Bull, until finally . . . he gave up. He just didn't see it.
Disappointed and ashamed in himself, he spent the next five days curled up in a ball on his feux leather sofa, watching episode after episode of The Dick Van Dyke show, and crying himself to sleep at night.
Finally, on the sixth day, in a fit of drunken rage, he punched several holes in his dining room wall. When his roommate, John Alexander, came home that night, he asked Steve what the hell was going on?
After explaining what had happened, John too, became intrigued by the challenge, and offered his help.
With no one else to turn to, Steve, although still drunk, graciously accepted.
After just minutes of looking over a written version of the lyrics, John triumphantly found the error and explained it to Steve.
So there you have it. A happy ending to my story. As long as there are people like John, willing to patiently teach the rules of grammar to the confused and misunderstood, our country might just stand a chance.
As in all challenges, there was of course a prize . . . and since this prize was coming from me, I'm sure that you can guess just what is was . . . an envelope.
One for Steve, for taking the time to learn just exactly what is wrong with that song, and one for John, the hero of this story.
This one was for Steve. I chose this as both a punishment (at first he lied to me and made it seem as though he had come up with the answer on his own, before admitting the truth shortly after) and a reward. You see, we used to work at In N Out together, so the image should bring back both happy and frustrating memories.
Touche brother, touche.
Each envelope is accompanied with a Certificate of Authenticity to assure the owner that it was indeed made by these (my) magic hands.
So now, I challenge all of you, with the promise of one of my envelopes that will be especially tailored to what you like, as a prize, to find the grammatical error in the song for which this post is based on.
* The events of this story may have been altered for dramatic effect.
** All grammatical errors in this story are hereby null and void by authority of . . . me.
*** Sure, there have been promises of prizes in previous posts, but this time I mean it.
Click here to go directly to the lyrics of the song.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Can you tell me how to get, how to get to . . .
Sesame Street?
When I was a kid, I loooooved Sesame Street. I'm pretty sure it was my favorite show next to Zoobilee Zoo, but only because Zoobilee Zoo was less accessible, therefore making it much more in demand . . . in my book anyway.
I used to day dream about Big Bird, The Cookie Monster, Oscar the grouch and pretty much the whole gang dropping by my house to say hello. I mean, who didn't?
Which is why I decided to make this envelope. I figure, moms everywhere can buy them by the dozen and put invitations for their kids party inside. How could you not go to a party with Elmo on the envelope of the invitation?
When I was a kid, I loooooved Sesame Street. I'm pretty sure it was my favorite show next to Zoobilee Zoo, but only because Zoobilee Zoo was less accessible, therefore making it much more in demand . . . in my book anyway.
I used to day dream about Big Bird, The Cookie Monster, Oscar the grouch and pretty much the whole gang dropping by my house to say hello. I mean, who didn't?
Which is why I decided to make this envelope. I figure, moms everywhere can buy them by the dozen and put invitations for their kids party inside. How could you not go to a party with Elmo on the envelope of the invitation?
I'm working on a Big Bird one too, but I had to start with the most popular character of course.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
You Think You're Cooler Than Me?
Today I took a step towards a higher intelligence.
I got a Library card for the local Library.
For those of you who are unfamiliar, a library is a place where you can go and borrow, that's right, borrow, any book you want . . . FOR FREE! They also have DVD's, CD's, magazines . . . the possibilites are endless.
It kind of makes you wonder why anyone has ever bought a book in their whole life! I know I feel like a fool for ever doing so.
And today, as I'm sure is true for every other day, the library was bumpin'. Apparently other people know about this place, and they are taking advantage!
I woke up at 7:30 this morning knowing exactly what I wanted and was hardly able to contain myself until 9:30, the time it opened.
Here's what I brought home:
That's right! Dick Van Dyke has an autobiography and I'm listening to it for FREE. In fact I put it on my computer. I OWN it! FOR FREE!
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
The nice thing about having a crush on the younger version of an older celebrity: You get to hear their whole life story. It would be like if I got to read Ty Burrell's autobiography, today!
Nothing's better than instant gratification.
Why the audio version you ask? I can't very well have my eyes crap out on me when I'm super into the book and want to keep reading, can I?! CAN I?!
PLUS, he narrates. I would be an idiot to get any other version of this book. (i.e. paperback, hardback, digital)
I'm currently on chapter 12, and so far, I would highly recommend it to anyone who's interested in: a career in comedy, The Dick Van Dyke Show, Dick Van Dyke, handsome men, handsome men that are a lot older, Reno, Nevada (yup, he talks about it), Los Angeles, California, or television . . . in general.
I guess I'll show you another one of my envelopes now. Don't be too disappointed, it's not Dick Van Dyke or anything, but . . . I guess it's pretty cool.
This is one of my earlier envelopes (you know, from like 2 weeks ago) so it's not at the same level of complexity that I'm currently capable of, but it's Mickey, and everyone likes Mickey, right?
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
I will always want this DVD
I've fallen in love again. It was only a matter of time I guess. We met when I was about 12, and I sort of thought he was cute then, but now that I'm older . . . and he's available on Netflix, things have gotten serious.
His name is Dick Van Dyke. You may have heard of him. He had a television series back when I was negative 23.
Isn't he handsome?
And so, in order to honor him and all of his handsomeness, I of course, made an envelope.
Once he sees this, he's sure to ask me over for dinner.
( I don't want to marry him or anything, I mean, he's 87 . . . but meeting him would be pretty sweet.)
By the way, in case you weren't clear, my envelopes aren't plain envelopes with a drawing on top. I cut all the images out with an exacto knife and then put another piece of paper behind them.
They just got a lot more impressive, didn't they?
His name is Dick Van Dyke. You may have heard of him. He had a television series back when I was negative 23.
Isn't he handsome?
And so, in order to honor him and all of his handsomeness, I of course, made an envelope.
Once he sees this, he's sure to ask me over for dinner.
( I don't want to marry him or anything, I mean, he's 87 . . . but meeting him would be pretty sweet.)
By the way, in case you weren't clear, my envelopes aren't plain envelopes with a drawing on top. I cut all the images out with an exacto knife and then put another piece of paper behind them.
They just got a lot more impressive, didn't they?
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