"Why do you look so upset?"
"Turn that frown upside down."
"How come you never smile?"
"WHY SOOOO SERIOUS!?!"
I probably hear variations of those phrases/ questions about a hundred times a day from my co-workers. This has been going on for as long as I can remember. People constantly tell me I need to smile, or that I look really sad. I'm sooooooooooo effing (excuse my language) sick of it.
I don't know how to respond anymore. The other day somebody said it, and I told that person I was really sensitive about it. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm not a big smiler. My face looks sad because of genetics! If you've ever met my dad, you would know that he looks kind of pissed all the time. Also he looks like a turtle . . . and so does my Grandpa! (no offense dad).
Maybe from now on I should just tell people that my dog died. Sure, they'll soon start to wonder why I have so many dogs, and why they keep dying . . . but maybe eventually they will just stop asking me. . . . which is all I really want.
I know my sister gets the same question all the time too ( cough . . . genetics . . . cough) and she tells people she just has a very neutral face. I tried that for a while, but people would always say "no, it doesn't look neutral . . . it looks sad". I've also tried telling people that one day I frowned for eight hours and my face just got stuck that way. They just laugh and say "no really, what's wrong?"
Well here I am telling you what exactly is wrong. Are you ready for the answer because I really only want to tell you once. Here we GO . . . . .
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
My interview with Santa Clause
As some of you may remember I met the Easter Bunny last Easter. If you don't remember, just know that he came to me for career advice and has considered me his mentor ever since.
Well, as it turns out he is very good friends with Santa Clause, so he was nice enough to give me the big mans phone number.
At first Santa was none to thrilled that I called him. He said he was a busy man, especially with Christmas only being two months away. He told me he had a long list to get through and that he didn't have time for fans calling him up and interrupting his work.
I was shocked at some of the language he used as he was telling me all of this. I guess Santa gets very stressed out.
Once I could get a word in edge wise, I told him that I was good friends with the Easter Bunny. After hearing this he quickly apologized and said if I was a friend of the Easter Bunny ( AKA Fred) than I was a friend of his. Apparently, Fred helped him deliver presents the year before after he got way behind because some cheap bastards left out bad milk causing him to spend an hour with his head over the toilet . . . if you know what I mean.
Anyway, the reason I called Santa was because I needed his help. My siblings and I had decided to participate in "Operation Secret Santa 2008" and I wanted to make sure we would all be getting letters with detailed instructions of the rules and regulations. He said that he would put me on the list, but also asked me if I could take over as president of the board of directors for the project. Apparently the elf that usually runs that program received a job offer from "Keebler". It was an offer he couldn't refuse so he took it.
I was hesitant at first. I wasn't sure if I could just pick up and go to the North Pole for two months. Plus I have another job.
Santa assured me that he would work with my schedule, and that I didn't need to move to the North Pole because everything was done over the internet. He did however say he couldn't pay me due to the poor economic situation, but it would definitely look good on my resume.
I was happy to take the job. If I owe anybody anything it's Santa Clause. . . . I did however ask him for one thing . . . an exclusive interview.
He agreed, in fact he said he would love to do it. He was tired of all the rumors that were circulating about him. He wanted people to know the truth! He felt he could trust me to make sure none of his words were taken out of context.
So a few days ago I sat down with Santa Clause (via AOL instant messenger) and asked him the following questions.
Me :Thank you for joining me today Santa, lets get right to it! A lot of people out there give you a hard time because you only work one day a year, but I always tell them there is probably a lot of preparation involved. Is that true, or do you just work the one day?
Santa: Of course there's a lot of preparation involved! It's not all Milk and cookies over here! Sure, the elves do their fair share of the work, but they have to be managed. I have to make sure they all take their breaks on time, that they aren't stealing any of the toys they make . . . people see movies and they think these elves are just happy go lucky all the time, but there are problem employee's here, just like there are at any job. There is a lot of paperwork involved. I am also head of quality control, making sure the toys were not poorly made.
Not to mention the list I have to get through . . . TWICE! I don't even get the list until October 15th. Most people don't realize that they can be naughty from October 15th all the way until December 31st and I would never know about it.
Me: Does Rudolph's nose really give off enough light so you can see where you're going?
Santa: Well you have to remember, I only use him in foggy area's (Like San Francisco and Daly City), and you of all people should know that too much light in the fog can be a bad thing. So yes, his nose gives off the perfect amount of light.
Me: During my lifetime there have been a lot of questions about the whole "sliding down chimneys" as way of entrance. Is that really how you get into houses? What if they don't have a Chimney?
Santa: That's a funny story actually. One night . . . back in 1931 I think it was . . . I couldn't find my magic key, which works on every door in the world. I'm sure you can understand . . . people lose their keys sometimes you know? So anyway, I couldn't find it, but I couldn't just NOT give people their gifts. So I tried several things before actually resorting to the chimney.
I checked doors to see if they were unlocked, I tried going in through windows, I even tried just knocking . . . but nobody wants to answer their door in the middle of the night. Finally, I saw the chimney. . . and it dawned on me, maybe I could squeeze my way down there. Unfortunately, I could only get into the houses that had chimneys that year. Most people attribute the lack of gifts to the depression, but really, I had just misplaced my key. Long story short, some people saw me and took pictures. Now everyone thinks that is how I always get into every house.
Me: Wow, that is quite a story. Speaking of people seeing you . . . I used to wait up for hours hoping to run into you by the tree, but it never happened, I always fell asleep. Do you ever accidentally run into people?
Santa: Of course I do. Sometimes when I know people are still awake I have to wait on the roof for a while before landing on their front lawn. Occasionally I get lucky and they finally go to bed, but other times I just go in, do what I need to do, and before I leave I say something like, "You think I would leave you more gifts . . . I mean, it is YOUR dream." It works like 90% of the time. The other 10% of people that don't buy it tell their friends, but nobody ever believes them.
Me: Wow, so most people are pretty stupid huh?
Santa: No comment.
Me: Okay, this is a question I know everyone has wanted to ask you since they were little. . . How do you fit enough gifts for the entire world into the back of your sleigh?
Santa: If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.
Me: Try me.
Santa: Okay, here it goes: Have you ever seen "Honey I shrunk the kids"?
Me: Yeah sure . . . wait, you don't mea . . .
Santa: Yup . . . that movie is actually science NON-fiction.
Me: Wow! . . . Okay, well I don't want to take up to much more of your time, but I just have one last question. Do you ever get sick of Milk and Cookies?
Santa: Ho, Ho, ho, . . . Well, ever since last year, I do not drink milk! I prefer water, coffee, or red bull. As for cookies, I love them, I can't get enough . . . but Mrs. Clause doesn't let me eat them any other day of the year, so I look forward to the one night that I can eat them.
Me: Well, thank you very much for revealing some of the most unanswered questions about you today. I know you're a busy man and I appreciate the opportunity to finally sit down with you.
Santa: It was my pleasure.
Well, as it turns out he is very good friends with Santa Clause, so he was nice enough to give me the big mans phone number.
At first Santa was none to thrilled that I called him. He said he was a busy man, especially with Christmas only being two months away. He told me he had a long list to get through and that he didn't have time for fans calling him up and interrupting his work.
I was shocked at some of the language he used as he was telling me all of this. I guess Santa gets very stressed out.
Once I could get a word in edge wise, I told him that I was good friends with the Easter Bunny. After hearing this he quickly apologized and said if I was a friend of the Easter Bunny ( AKA Fred) than I was a friend of his. Apparently, Fred helped him deliver presents the year before after he got way behind because some cheap bastards left out bad milk causing him to spend an hour with his head over the toilet . . . if you know what I mean.
Anyway, the reason I called Santa was because I needed his help. My siblings and I had decided to participate in "Operation Secret Santa 2008" and I wanted to make sure we would all be getting letters with detailed instructions of the rules and regulations. He said that he would put me on the list, but also asked me if I could take over as president of the board of directors for the project. Apparently the elf that usually runs that program received a job offer from "Keebler". It was an offer he couldn't refuse so he took it.
I was hesitant at first. I wasn't sure if I could just pick up and go to the North Pole for two months. Plus I have another job.
Santa assured me that he would work with my schedule, and that I didn't need to move to the North Pole because everything was done over the internet. He did however say he couldn't pay me due to the poor economic situation, but it would definitely look good on my resume.
I was happy to take the job. If I owe anybody anything it's Santa Clause. . . . I did however ask him for one thing . . . an exclusive interview.
He agreed, in fact he said he would love to do it. He was tired of all the rumors that were circulating about him. He wanted people to know the truth! He felt he could trust me to make sure none of his words were taken out of context.
So a few days ago I sat down with Santa Clause (via AOL instant messenger) and asked him the following questions.
Me :Thank you for joining me today Santa, lets get right to it! A lot of people out there give you a hard time because you only work one day a year, but I always tell them there is probably a lot of preparation involved. Is that true, or do you just work the one day?
Santa: Of course there's a lot of preparation involved! It's not all Milk and cookies over here! Sure, the elves do their fair share of the work, but they have to be managed. I have to make sure they all take their breaks on time, that they aren't stealing any of the toys they make . . . people see movies and they think these elves are just happy go lucky all the time, but there are problem employee's here, just like there are at any job. There is a lot of paperwork involved. I am also head of quality control, making sure the toys were not poorly made.
Not to mention the list I have to get through . . . TWICE! I don't even get the list until October 15th. Most people don't realize that they can be naughty from October 15th all the way until December 31st and I would never know about it.
Me: Does Rudolph's nose really give off enough light so you can see where you're going?
Santa: Well you have to remember, I only use him in foggy area's (Like San Francisco and Daly City), and you of all people should know that too much light in the fog can be a bad thing. So yes, his nose gives off the perfect amount of light.
Me: During my lifetime there have been a lot of questions about the whole "sliding down chimneys" as way of entrance. Is that really how you get into houses? What if they don't have a Chimney?
Santa: That's a funny story actually. One night . . . back in 1931 I think it was . . . I couldn't find my magic key, which works on every door in the world. I'm sure you can understand . . . people lose their keys sometimes you know? So anyway, I couldn't find it, but I couldn't just NOT give people their gifts. So I tried several things before actually resorting to the chimney.
I checked doors to see if they were unlocked, I tried going in through windows, I even tried just knocking . . . but nobody wants to answer their door in the middle of the night. Finally, I saw the chimney. . . and it dawned on me, maybe I could squeeze my way down there. Unfortunately, I could only get into the houses that had chimneys that year. Most people attribute the lack of gifts to the depression, but really, I had just misplaced my key. Long story short, some people saw me and took pictures. Now everyone thinks that is how I always get into every house.
Me: Wow, that is quite a story. Speaking of people seeing you . . . I used to wait up for hours hoping to run into you by the tree, but it never happened, I always fell asleep. Do you ever accidentally run into people?
Santa: Of course I do. Sometimes when I know people are still awake I have to wait on the roof for a while before landing on their front lawn. Occasionally I get lucky and they finally go to bed, but other times I just go in, do what I need to do, and before I leave I say something like, "You think I would leave you more gifts . . . I mean, it is YOUR dream." It works like 90% of the time. The other 10% of people that don't buy it tell their friends, but nobody ever believes them.
Me: Wow, so most people are pretty stupid huh?
Santa: No comment.
Me: Okay, this is a question I know everyone has wanted to ask you since they were little. . . How do you fit enough gifts for the entire world into the back of your sleigh?
Santa: If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.
Me: Try me.
Santa: Okay, here it goes: Have you ever seen "Honey I shrunk the kids"?
Me: Yeah sure . . . wait, you don't mea . . .
Santa: Yup . . . that movie is actually science NON-fiction.
Me: Wow! . . . Okay, well I don't want to take up to much more of your time, but I just have one last question. Do you ever get sick of Milk and Cookies?
Santa: Ho, Ho, ho, . . . Well, ever since last year, I do not drink milk! I prefer water, coffee, or red bull. As for cookies, I love them, I can't get enough . . . but Mrs. Clause doesn't let me eat them any other day of the year, so I look forward to the one night that I can eat them.
Me: Well, thank you very much for revealing some of the most unanswered questions about you today. I know you're a busy man and I appreciate the opportunity to finally sit down with you.
Santa: It was my pleasure.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Court TV
Sometimes it's your only day off and you just want to relax. But what do you do when there's nothing on tv? I'm sure some of you will say, why not read a book, put in a movie, or do something productive? I will agree that these are all valid arguments, but I have already started two loads of laundry and cleaned the inside of my car.
Now, I am waiting for my laundry to be done, so I figured I'd watch a little television. I don't want to put in a movie because I have things to do later and I don't have the time. All I was hoping for was a little "Frasier", maybe an episode of "Friends", but no . . . there is nothing on that I enjoy watching. So what do I do? I leave it on the channel it was already on: "Judge Alex".
I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of engrossed in these ridiculous trials. I just want to know a few things:
Do these "Judges" have any self respect?
Do the celebrity jurors actually consider this "doing their part"?
Why are there so many of these shows . . . "Judge Judy, Judge Alex, Christina's Court . . . " are they really that popular?
Is part of the criteria for being on this show poor grammar, immaturity, and mental retardation?
And finally can you become less intelligent for watching something that is the complete opposite of intelligent?
These are just a few of the things I ponder while I watch.
Now, I am waiting for my laundry to be done, so I figured I'd watch a little television. I don't want to put in a movie because I have things to do later and I don't have the time. All I was hoping for was a little "Frasier", maybe an episode of "Friends", but no . . . there is nothing on that I enjoy watching. So what do I do? I leave it on the channel it was already on: "Judge Alex".
I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of engrossed in these ridiculous trials. I just want to know a few things:
Do these "Judges" have any self respect?
Do the celebrity jurors actually consider this "doing their part"?
Why are there so many of these shows . . . "Judge Judy, Judge Alex, Christina's Court . . . " are they really that popular?
Is part of the criteria for being on this show poor grammar, immaturity, and mental retardation?
And finally can you become less intelligent for watching something that is the complete opposite of intelligent?
These are just a few of the things I ponder while I watch.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
"The Last Lecture"
As some of you may remember from one of my recent posts I received a book called "The Last Lecture" for my birthday. After I got it I began to read it right away, but only got to page 7. Then a few weeks later I picked it up again and read about 20 more pages. I would have kept reading, but my roommates got home from work and demanded my attention as usual.
Finally, I picked it up again today and began reading at about 1 pm. With no foreseen interruptions I figured I would read for about an hour. But I couldn't put it down. I finished at about 3:30 pm.
When you read a good book you have this incredible urge to tell everyone you know that they need to read it too. I only read it because my second mom raved about it. Normally, when you tell people to read a book they say they will, but never actually do. I've seen it happen a thousand times. However, knowing how enjoyable it can be to read a good book, I listened to my second mom. Sure it took me a little while, but I did it. And I'm glad I did.
"The Last Lecture" is about a Professor named Randy Pausch facing his own mortality when he is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. As some of you may know pancreatic cancer is one of the hardest cancers to treat because doctors only find it when it's way too late. Because he was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University he was asked to give a last lecture. The book talks about going after your childhood dreams, and the fundamentals you need to get there . . . which is what his Last Lecture was on.
Reading this book was kind of inspirational. Maybe you think I'm dumb, but until you read it yourself I'm going to have to call you the dumb one.
I'm sure the inspiration I got from this book will soon wear off, as most inspiring things do over time, but I'm going to try and make the most of it while I can. Hopefully, even when this feeling fades I will still remember what I learned from this book when I am faced with a difficult situation . . . because . . .
_________ (a quote from Randy Pausch)
|
\|/
"Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things" . . . . and
"Experience is what you get, when you didn't get what you wanted." - - - quote from his book, although not his own words.
Just read it.
Finally, I picked it up again today and began reading at about 1 pm. With no foreseen interruptions I figured I would read for about an hour. But I couldn't put it down. I finished at about 3:30 pm.
When you read a good book you have this incredible urge to tell everyone you know that they need to read it too. I only read it because my second mom raved about it. Normally, when you tell people to read a book they say they will, but never actually do. I've seen it happen a thousand times. However, knowing how enjoyable it can be to read a good book, I listened to my second mom. Sure it took me a little while, but I did it. And I'm glad I did.
"The Last Lecture" is about a Professor named Randy Pausch facing his own mortality when he is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. As some of you may know pancreatic cancer is one of the hardest cancers to treat because doctors only find it when it's way too late. Because he was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University he was asked to give a last lecture. The book talks about going after your childhood dreams, and the fundamentals you need to get there . . . which is what his Last Lecture was on.
Reading this book was kind of inspirational. Maybe you think I'm dumb, but until you read it yourself I'm going to have to call you the dumb one.
I'm sure the inspiration I got from this book will soon wear off, as most inspiring things do over time, but I'm going to try and make the most of it while I can. Hopefully, even when this feeling fades I will still remember what I learned from this book when I am faced with a difficult situation . . . because . . .
_________ (a quote from Randy Pausch)
|
\|/
"Brick walls are there for a reason: they let us prove how badly we want things" . . . . and
"Experience is what you get, when you didn't get what you wanted." - - - quote from his book, although not his own words.
Just read it.
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