Saturday, December 26, 2009

Did I mention

I think I forgot to mention that I was able to get my top secret missions covered over the holidays which in turn enabled me to go home.

I still had to work on Christmas Eve, but was able to leave by 3 in the afternoon.

It's roughly an eight hour drive, so I mentally prepared myself for the horrific amount of boredom I was about to endure.

When I set out on my lonely road trip the sun was really bright. Deadly bright.

The first 100 miles were the worst and most dangerous part of my trip. The lines that divide the lanes were barely visible, and the sun was LITERALLY blinding at times. At one point I could not see anything in front of me for about ten seconds. Meanwhile cars were flying past me, and I didn't understand why they weren't having the same problem. During that ten seconds my legs became numb with fear, and I'm pretty sure any car that may have been behind me was furious with my driving, because I was probably only going about 30 miles per hour.

Finally, I pulled over for a bathroom break. It had already been 2 hours and I just wanted the sun to go down.

After that first 100 miles/ 2 hours, the next two hours seemed easy. I could see the road, the speed limit was 70 miles an hour, and I didn't have to pee.

About five and a half hours in I pulled over to get something to eat at Taco Bell. I was pretty tired and still had about three hours to go.

Then something weird happened. I ordered my food and was given the number 311. I sat down to wait when I realized that 311 was the band that was currently playing on the radio. If that's not weird I don't know what is.

After I ate I got some gas and got back on the road. Even though I had been driving for 5 and a half hours, I still had about 3 hours to go. Why? Because I drive the speed limit I guess.

I thought that at this point I would want to kill myself . . . mostly because the last time I made the drive I was extrememly over it after four hours.

But I guess I got a second wind because it was the most fun I've ever had driving alone.

Do you want to know my secret?

Step 1 : The process all starts 6 months beforehand when you stop listening to any cd's you have in your car. If you normally just hook up your ipod to your cd player stop listening to that. Listen to the radio or don't listen to anything . . . for at least 6 months. This is key.

Step 2: Start your long voyage out with a few Red Bulls. Two to three should do it.

Step 3: At some point purchase a water bottle and drink all of it. Do not throw out the water bottle!

Step 4: Put in a cd without looking at what it is, if you take the time to think about what you want to listen to it won't work.

Step 5: Use the empty water bottle as if it were a microphone and sing at the top of your lungs.

Step 6: When the first CD is over put in another one without looking and put the one you already listened to aside so you don't listen to it again. Continue to change the CD's as soon as they are over. By the time you're almost home, you'll be hoping you have time for one more song. Trust me.

This is sort of what it will look like:



Bonus points if you can guess which song I'm singing in this photograph.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

My First Snowman

The other day my friend and I built a snowman. It was the first time I had ever made one and it came out . . . well . . . AMAZING.

I haven't really mastered the concept of "start with a ball and then roll it", so that's where my friend came in, but I made the base, and helped even everything out.



I haven't named him yet, although I'm thinking "One Eye" suits him, because since this picture was taken 2 of his buttons, his nose, and one of his eyes have fallen out.

I still think he's beautiful though.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Christmas is Cancelled

Instead of calling people I figured I'd just post about my Christmas plans status.

I got my work schedule yesterday and it goes a little something like this:

Place of business - Hey Madelyn, I know your from SoCal and you would probably like to go home around Christmas, but guess what? You Can't! Muahahahaha! Not only do you have to work, but you have to work a double on Christmas Eve! Muahahahah. And good luck getting rid of any of your shifts, because the chances of someone helping you out are about as good as Kelsey Grammar having another hit show. Muahahahah! Oh, and even if you drove all night after your second shift on Christmas Eve, you still have to be back by 4 on the 26th. Muahahahaha!


I hate my life.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Calm Down, You're in the Right Place. This is Madelyn's Blog. Is This Title Too Long? I'm Not Sure, I Kind of Feel Like it is, But Maybe I'm just Bein

Maybe my brother inspired me, or maybe I thought I would find a template with snow on it, like Syar, but I saw this template and really liked it.

However, I realize some of you may disagree. So, since i don't know how to put polls on my blog, I'll just ask you to tell me what you think.

Here are some things I'm concerned about:

a.) The original template should be the only template I ever use because it is the very essence of my blog.

b.) My readers will feel confused and think they've somehow gone to the wrong blog.

c.) Abandoning my old template is like abandoning my first born child ( if I had one).

d.) My fellow bloggers will lose all respect for me.

e.) I will forget about all this in an hour and not recognize my own blog the next time I log on.

Questions? Comments? Opinions? . . . Do tell.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Mmmm / Ouch

This is my tongue after eating 2 Sweet Tart Candy Canes. They were delicious.



THis is my knee after slipping and falling on some ice.



Here's what happened:



I only got bruises on my left knee which I think is kind of odd, because my left hip got the worst of it . . . but there is no bruise there even though it hurts like there's one.

Needless to say, I walk more cautiously now.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Facts are in

When I was little I used to pray every winter that it would snow. My parents once told me that it had to be at least 30 degrees for it to snow. They failed to mention that as long as we lived next to the coast it didn't matter how cold it was, snow wasn't going to happen.

My first experience with snow wasn't the best. My dad took my sister and I to a somewhat local college where they had brought snow down from the mountains and put it in a pile. By the time they got it down there it wasn't that great. It was more like ice, rather than the much preferred fresh powder. It was very nice of my Dad to try though.

When I got a little older I began going to winter camp at El Camino Pines. The first time I went there was no snow . . . what a jip, my parents got ripped off. The second (and I think last) time I went there was a whole lot of snow. I remember walking in it and thinking " wow, this really sucks". It made my feet very cold and I didn't like that. I was probably 13 at the time.

Now it's 13 years later and yesterday, what I consider my first real experience of snow came. I was at the gym around noon when the snow began to fall. I went into a panic. I had never driven in the stuff before, so before it got too bad I got the hell out of there. It continued to snow all day . . . and all night . . . and this morning. I woke up to about a foot of snow outside. Did I panic? Hell yes I did. I had to be at work at 11:30 and I had still never driven in the snow. What if I spun out in the middle of the freeway just as a semi was coming? What if I couldn't even get out of my parking spot? How do you put on snow chains? These are the questions that went through my mind. So I woke up at 9:15 and got ready for work all the while telling myself that the worst would never happen to me, those things only happen to other people. Right?

I left at ten, leaving myself an hour and a half to get there.

I took my broom and dustpan down to the car with me to get the snow off. Because I don't have snow boots, I wore my Heely's (minus the wheels) because they are my thickest shoes (which up until today looked brand new). I don't have a snow coat either so I wore two pretty thick jackets instead.

I just want to take a moment to say that it's really weird how when there is snow on the ground it doesn't seem as cold outside.

When I got down to my car it was covered in about a foot of snow. I used the broom to sweep off the door so I could get in and start the engine before I swept off the rest.

The first sweep was fun, it was easy, the snow just came right off.

It quickly became annoying. My hands became cold very fast and there was a lot of freaking snow all over my car.

After about ten minutes I had finished uncovering my car and was ready to attempt driving.

Keep in mind that the parking lot hadn't been plowed yet.

I was surprised when it didn't take much to back my car out.

As I made my way to the actual roads I felt terrified. But then, when I was actually on them, it wasn't so bad. Most of the drive was on the freeway which was plowed pretty well. I drove about thirty miles per our the whole way and arrived at my top secret place of work 45 minutes later.

I was so relieved when I got to the parking lot. Unfortunately, the parking lot wasn't plowed very well. I drove along looking for somewhere to park, but I made the mistake of driving way to far past my place of work. When I tried to turn around I got stuck in the snow.

My first idea was to try and dig myself out using the dustpan I had brought. I dug for about five minutes before giving up and getting back in the car. I tried to move again, but it didn't work.

Luckily after only a few minutes of trying a very nice man came and tried to help push me out. When he couldn't do it by himself another man came and helped him. Eventually I got out and was able to park.

*Insert special shout out to nice men who pushed me out here.*

So that was my first experience of really living in the snow. What they say is true, it's nice to visit, but sucks to live in. I think this is something you have to experience before you can really understand it. I still think it looks pretty and is fun to play with, but it's definitely no picnic to drive in.

Here are a few pictures of the outside of my apartment:





Monday, November 30, 2009

Finished

Well folks, this is it. The last post of NaBloPoMo. It's been a good ride, and I've learned a lot.

I learned you can say a lot without having much to say.

I learned pictures really are worth a thousand words.

I learned some people get t - shirts for finishing this, while others have to make their own.

I learned it's hot in Australia right now.

I learned you get a lot of comments when you talk about cats you've had in the past.

I learned you can post something and work a 3 hour shift all in one day.

I learned you can start a post before midnight, finish after midnight and it will still count.

I learned that Cop Outs are okay.

I learned that the blogging unicorn is a very forgiving creature.

I learned that you can want 30 days to go by more quickly and more slowly at the same time.

I learned that I'm in love with Steve Carell.

I learned how to link a word to a different website.

But most importantly I learned that with the powers of Cofo, Cadiz12, Jon, and Syar combined we can rule the blogging world.

May the power of the Unicorn be with you.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Do you see what I see

Using Paintbrush for Mac, I drew what was in front of me. Now you can look through my eyes.



I realize that it cuts off randomly . . . well so does my vision.

What you are looking at is a bottle of cleaner, my tv, my guitar and my coffee table. Oh, and my computer.

Fascinating I know.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

I want a cookie

I want a cookie for 2 reasons:

1.) Cofo's post today.

2.) I'm watching "The Santa Clause" and they're eating lots of cookies.

I would also like some Pumpkin pie, but that's probably not going to happen either.

Other than that, it didn't snow today. There was no winter wonderland when I woke up, and it's still not snowing right now.

Am I disappointed?

Yes, very, but a least I didn't have to try and drive in it.

And now, I'll leave you with this picture:

Friday, November 27, 2009

Snow

Tonight while I was at work it began to snow.

I freaked out because I have never driven in snow. Luckily it didn't stick to the ground and eventually just turned into rain.

However, it's suppose to snow over night, which means I may have to drive in the snow tomorrow.

i really have nothing else to say, but I've seen shorter posts than this so I don't really feel bad.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Today


Well, today is Thanksgiving. For those of you who don't celebrate (cough Syar cough), Thanksgiving is a day when Americans get together with their family or friends and eat way too much. Turkey is usually the bird we kill to celebrate, and there's also stuffing, mashed potatoes, yams, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie for dessert.

If you're in any family but mine you probably drink wine instead of Sparkling grape juice, but both are good choices.

Crescent rolls are big in my family as well as the sparkling grape juice. Football was always on when I was younger and sometimes we would watch the parade.

I'm not at home this year, but that's not so out of the ordinary. Instead I'm going over to a friends shortly (probably after I finish this post), so that should be fun.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Oh, and I'm Thankful for my MacBook Pro . . . for without it . . . I would not be able to write nonsense everyday in my blog.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Must See

As many of you may already know, I tend to fall in love with actors in their 40's. It seemed really weird when I was a teenager, and yeah, it's still kind of weird now, but eventually it will be normal and I will stop getting crap from my family and friends.

My crush on Peter Scolari was probably the worst out of all my weird crushes on celebrities over 40, and to be honest I haven't really had one in a while. Unless you count Steve Carell. The only reason I wouldn't count him is because when I watch The Office i am in no way attracted to the character of Michael Scott, which in turn makes me unattracted to Steve Carell.

However, when he plays the lead in a romantic comedy (my favorite being Dan In Real Life) I fall in love all over again.

Last night i visited IMDB and was pleasantly surprised to see a trailer for his upcoming movie Date Night.

Unfortunately, this movie won't be out until next April.

So if anyone out there has any connections in the movie industry and can get me a copy of this movie before anyone else I would be extremely grateful. I will also accept tickets to the premiere, or just having lunch with Steve Carell.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

My guitar

Right now I feel like "playing" my guitar. When I say play, I mean play the only three chords I can, or see if I can remember how to play the Happy Birthday song.

I love my guitar, and I would never get rid of it, I just wish I had more motivation to practice. Sure I could get lessons, but in this economy (I love to blame the economy for all my problems, i.e. if the economy weren't so bad I'd probably have a boyfriend, or damn this economy I have to do laundry again!) it seems like an unnecessary expense.

3 hours later

When I started this post I was about to leave for work. Well now I'm back ( yes it really has been only 3 hours) and I don't have much else to say about my guitar, so I thought I'd change the subject mid-post.

I am currently watching The Biggest Loser. This season the contestants are annoyingly emotional. They cry at everything . . . and yet I still watch. Don't ask me why, I guess it's one of those guilty pleasures.

I like to watch it while eating cookies, or ice cream . . . a few minutes ago I was watching it while eating In N Out ( I know most of you are extremely jealous of my easy access to In N Out).

Some of the contestants this season have lost an entire me and they're still kind of huge . . . not to mention all the excess skin they've got going on. Yuck.

Okay, that's it.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Christmas List/ Updated since originally posted

My brother's not the only one who needs to make a Christmas List. However, instead of just talking about how I need to do it, I'm going to post it, mostly because I know all of my blog readers want to get me a christmas gift, and I want to make sure that you guys get me something I want.

So here it is:

1.) Season 5 of The Office

Okay, I don't want this, but I think my mom might.

And my dad might want this.

I would get this for my brother if it weren't so expensive.

Hey look, something else for my mom. Too bad it's out of stock.

I would like to use this at work.

Am I too old for this?

This seems like something Cofo should have.

If this wasn't out of stock, I think I would get it for Cofo, Jon, Syar and Cadiz. Too bad.

This makes me laugh, but I don't want it.

This would be good for my oldest sister.

I think I really want this.

I feel like my older younger sister would like this.

Oooo, somewhere to keep my pearls. ( I don't really want this)

This not only seems unnecessary, but the price is ridiculous too. How is it they are out of stock?

Okay, well we've established I want one thing ( Season 5 of The Office), but honestly I can't think of anything else. So I guess I'll continue this another day . . . maybe I'll have more after my trip to Wal-Mart tonight.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Last night

Last night I couldn't sleep. I went to bed around midnight feeling pretty tired. However, I like to fall asleep to the tv, so I put on season three of The Office.

Te next thing I knew I was done with the first disc and it was 2:30 in the morning. I was wide awake, and I had the jimmy legs.

There's nothing worse than the jimmy legs, or as some people refer to it Restless Leg Syndrome. I get it occassionally, and I really, really, really, really (really infinity) hate it.

I put in disc two of season three hoping I would fall asleep. I drifted in and out of sleep for the next few hours, but woke up again at 6am wide awake.

Sometimes I can fall asleep with the Jimmy Legs, and wake up without them. This time that was not the case.

At this point I decided to check my e-mail, fill out some online applications, and read some new comments on various blogs. I put my computer down at around 8 am and finally fell asleep until 12.

When I woke up I STILL HAD THE JIMMY LEGS!

I dilly dallied around until about 3 o'clock, struggling with The Jimmy Legs, when I finally decided I needed to go to the gym even though it is technically my rest day. I figured it was the only way to get rid of them.

I was expecting to be able to exercise for a long period of time because I thought the Jimmy legs were caused by too much energy. I was wrong. I did thirty minutes of cardio and felt tired.

Even though I was tired, I know the Jimmy Legs will be back later tonight. Which makes me really mad, but I don't know what to do.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Chewing Gum

A few days ago, after reading Syar's blog, I really wanted some gum (she mentioned videogum several times).

The problem is that I can't chew gum. Well, technically I can, but it gives me a headache. Sometimes I just look at gum and I can feel the headache I will get if I were to chew it.

However, if I have taken Excedrine migraine I can chew it without getting a headache.

So the other day I took some Excedrine migraine because . . . well . . . I had a migraine. Then, later, I went to the store to buy my daily supply of apples (6), and I thought, hey . . . I really want some bubble gum.

After spending ten minutes picking out the perfect pack of gum to satisfy my craving, i purchased it and began to chew. It was delicious.

Unfortunately, today I wanted some gum because I saw someone chewing some in a movie. (Isn't it weird how, all that has to happen for you to want something is to see someone else with it?)

So now I'm chewing it and the headache is already here, I pretty much got the headache as soon as I put it in my mouth.

It's not fair, why can't I just chew gum like normal people?

Friday, November 20, 2009

Bread Weather

Today has been a very cold day for me. When I drove to work this morning I was sure my car might blow over. Then, when I left work, rain decided to join the wind, and together they got the temperature to drop about 20 more degrees. Getting to my car was a B.

On the drive home I went about 60 the whole way while other cars flew past me. Perhaps being in a tiny Honda Civic, I feel more fear than most while driving in terrible weather conditions.

I also realized while driving that I had pretty much no food, and no real money to go shopping with. Luckily, there is always bread in the laundry room. I don't really know why there's always bread in there, but there is and it's free. The first time i saw all the bread I thought someone was having a party in the room next to the laundry room . . . you know, one of those rooms . . . what's it called . . . where residents in apartment complexes can have parties? Well, you get the idea. But then the next time I did laundry there was still a bunch of bread in there, but I didn't dare take any. Then I saw one of my neighbors leave her apartment with laundry and come back with bread . . . so I thought . . . I want in on all this free bread business.

There's all kinds of bread too. White bread, wheat bread, burger buns, baguettes, even english muffins . . . and it's all free. I know what you're thinking "it must be old, or the cheapest bread you can buy." BUT IT'S NOT! It's bread I would buy if I were to get it at the grocery store.

I don't know where it comes from, but it's free, and I like free things.

And that, my friends, is how I turn a post about weather, into a post about bread.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Things I remember

1.) My earliest memory is of my sister climbing out of her crib and leaving me in mine. I cried a lot. Then I think my dad came and got me.

2.) I remember waking up at 2 am on Christmas morning to check out all the gifts under the tree. First we (me and my siblings) would just stare at them and try to figure out if it looked like more than the year before. Then we'd figure out who got what wrapping paper (my mom would wrap every gift for one person in a specific paper . . . she still does). Then we'd pretty much count them to see who got the most. Finally, we would find all the hidden gifts ( yeah that's right, Santa puts notes in our stockings telling us to "look in the dryer" or "look under your bed" and then there would be a gift there).

3.) I remember falling off the top bunk while sleeping. ( I think, did that really happen?)

4.) I remember throwing up on my sister who was on the bottom bunk while I was on the top.

5.) I remember being REALLY good at puzzles at a very young age . . . some called me a prodigy. If only I had stuck with it more, I could've done it professionally.

6.) I remember Casey (KC?) the cat, who lived to be 16, but then had to be put to sleep. Princess the cat, who wasn't really ours, but then just started living there one day. Max the cat, who was shot in the backyard but survived until he went missing threeish years later. Tennison the cat, who I prayed would never get big and then didn't . . . because of being malnutritioned (we found her on the streets). Chewy the cat, who was once named Sebastion by my sister, but then came to live with us so we renamed him. Samantha the cat, who was really really annoying and only suppose to be temporary because a friend of my sister's was finding a home for her, but we had her for like 11 years (until she went missing). Spencer the cat, who my brother found and left in our bathtub. I came home, my brother called and told me to look in the tub and it was like the greatest surprise ever. He said it was my 18th birthday present, but my mom won't let me take him anywhere I move so I guess I kind of got jacked on that one. I still love him though. There's one more cat, but she's kind of a B.

7.) I remember swimming in my Grandma's neighborhood pool with my brother and sister's while she watched us.

8.) I remember being afraid of my next door neighbor because God forbid you step on his precious lawn. I also remember him giving us 2 big wheel tricycles.

9.) I remember yelling "Hey Fat Albert!" at a fat man that walked down our street because my sister told me that's what his name was. He came over and told on us, but we denied it up and down. Poor guy was just trying to lose some weight.

10.) I remember being really good at throwing a football until someone mentioned I was good . . . it was all down hill after that.

This concludes this post on "Things I Remember". There may be a part two at a later date . . . it might even be tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Things that might happen

Things that might happen if I decide not to finish NaBloPoMo:

1.) I probably won't get into Heaven . . . If I can't forgive myself, why should God?

2.) My family might disown me - you have no idea how important this is to them.

3.) I will get the Swine Flu - a lot of people don't know this, but blogging is just as effective as the flu shot.

4.) My blog will never be published - If I can't finish NaBloPoMo, why should I be able to finish a bestseller.

5.) I won't get anything for Christmas - He see's me when I'm not blogging - very famous line in that song, most people think it says something different .

6.) They will take away my degree - they already called and threatened.

7.) I'll never be able to have children - not sure how I feel about this one yet.

8.) My car will get stolen again - this is probably inevitable either way.

9.) I will get fired from my job - they'll see the failure in my eyes.

10.) My family won't be able to spend Christmas together - oh wait, that's already happening.

I guess I better finish this thing. Only 11 more posts to go - thank God November is only 30 days.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

It's time for another . . .

you guessed it! Three truths and a lie!

1.) My love for granny smith apples has turned into a problem. I think in the last week I've purchased over 2 dozen. . . and eaten them all.

2.) For Thanksgiving I will be making a green bean casserole.

3.) I have decided to switch to AT&T so that I can get an iphone.

4.) On Sunday I went and saw "Men Who Stare at Goats" . . . it was sub-par.




Good luck!

(Can you tell I'm at the end of my blogging rope?)

Monday, November 16, 2009

My First Car

Most people have a special place in their heart for their very first car. I am no different.

It was a 1984 BMW 318i. I bought it in 2000, so it was only like 16 years old at the time, but hey, it was a Beamer!

It was a bright orange red, an automatic, and it had a sunroof (you had to open it with a crank), it was awesome.

Unfortunately, like most first cars, it wasn't very reliable. I had to call my brother on many occasions just to get a jump start. One day, just a jump wasn't enough, so my father and I took it to a shop.

It needed some work in the amount of 300 dollars. I paid it and I thought that would be the end of my troubles.

However, it was a 1984 BMW, so the problems didn't end there. I still had trouble with it starting and it was driving me crazy. After all I had just paid 300 dollars to make that problem go away.

So we took it back to the shop. It needed more repairs in the amount of yet another 300 dollars. So I paid it and prayed there would be no more problems after that.

To tell you the truth I can't quite remember if it had trouble starting after that. The next thing I really remember about it was horrible. Prepare yourselves, because what I'm about to tell you may make you want to cry.

I was driving to school one misty morning on a road I drove on everyday. I was jammin to the Foo Fighters WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THE CAR WENT COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL. A lot of people think I'm crazy when I tell them what happened. They say "you weren't paying attention" or "how can a car go crazy?" WELL IT DID, and I will stick to that story until my dying day because it's the absolute truth.

So the car went out of control and the next thing I knew it had done a complete 180 and crashed into a wall on the side of the road.

Don't panic, I was completely fine. I sat there for a minute in shock and then decided I better get out of the car.

I sat on the side of the road trying to call my mom who wasn't awake yet (as usual) and therefore did not answer the phone.

I waited and waited for someone to stop, when FINALLY, someone I knew from middle school (who now went to the same High School) saw me and pulled over.

I was still in shock at this time so I'm guessing they called the police, or a tow truck . . . I'm not really sure, all I remember is getting into there car and calling my mom again. Still no answer. So I called my brother. You might be thinking "hey why didn't you call him sooner?" Well, at this time he lived in New York. Luckily he answered. He calmed me down and said he had a plan (maybe, I'm not 100% sure on the details). He then called one of his friends that lived in the same town as me and had him go over to my house and bang on the door so my mom would wake up.

Sidebar: This story isn't very fun to tell.

My mom finally called me, but by this time I was already in the tow truck with my demolished car behind me. Tow truck man was giving me a ride home. When I arrived at my house my mom was outside waiting for me and when I got out of the truck I burst into tears.

Tow truck man then took my car away. . . . forever.

It was totaled. My heart was broken, but I had to move on. My rebound car was, like most rebounds are, a really bad decision, but that's another story entirely.

I did see my beloved Beamer one more time, but only so I could get my things out of it.

Although I really miss that car, I'm sure I would hate it if I still had it today.

Here are some pictures so you can see it's magnificence. You might notice some blurriness in these pictures, just ignore them.



See that Red Truck next to my beautiful beamer? That's my dads . . . he still drives that car, and it still works fine.



By the way, the day after the accident I went back to school and about a million ( it was a big high school ) people came up to me and said they drove past the accident. I said "Why the F*** didn't you stop?"

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Paper Airplanes

Paper airplains and chapped lips.

B batteries. Do you have any B batteries?

Scented lotion and baby talk.

Dog slobbering and jibber jabber.

Gum chewing and runny noses.

Headache faces and uno yelling.

Stupid questions followed by dumber ones.

Verizon sucks, but good luck switching over after today.

Name plates and the sound of typing on a keyboard.

Staplers screaming and building houses.

Cheating bastards and genies in a bottle.

Horses neighing and people cheering.

The creative writing process doesn't make sense sometimes.


(No I'm not drunk)

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Tribute

Eleven years ago today my Grandmother died. I was 15 years old at the time and although we weren't super close we had a lot of good times together.

She lived in South Carolina while my family lived in California. Every couple of years she and my Grandfather would come for a visit. They always stayed at the Vagabond Inn, which is kind of a trashy hotel now, but at the time was more like a Holiday Inn . . . then again I was young so what did I know.

Whenever they'd visit it was very exciting. My sister and I would go swimming at the hotel pool, and they'd always take us to eat at the Vagabonds diner.

Over the years we went to Disneyland, Universal Studios, the zoo . . . and . . . okay those are the only places I remember, but I'm sure there were more.

It was always fun and I was always sad when they left.

These are the things that I remember most about my Grandma:

1.) She smoked. Whenever we got gifts from her they always smelled like old smoke and her perfume. I really liked that smell.

2.) Her white hair. I found out after she died that she spent a lot of time at a hair salon. When my siblings and I met her hair stylist at her funeral, she knew all of our names without introduction.

3.) She always had to have a grilled cheese even if it wasn't on the menu. From what my father has told me, she wasn't much of a cook. Perhaps this was all she could make and therefore became accustomed to eating them at almost every meal.

4.) She gave me one of my favorite stuffed animals for Christmas one year. It was a dog with a nightgown on and his name was Nap. I would still have it, but it was in my car when it got stolen and the thieves took everything but the trash.

5.) Her pants. I don't know how else to describe them other than "Grandma pants".

6.) Her accent. I didn't really think of it as an accent until I got older, it was always just "the way grandma talks" . . . her daughter (my aunt) sounds exactly like her. In fact, she pretty much is her.

So this one's for my Grandma . . . may she rest in peace.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Laziness

Laziness is waking up, really needing to pee, but holding it and trying to go back to sleep.

Laziness is spending ten minutes looking for a closer parking spot, instead of parking farther away and walking for 2 minutes.

Laziness is skipping a meal because you're out of food and the grocery store would require getting dressed, driving somewhere, picking out food, and then cooking it.

Laziness is watching "George Lopez" because the remote is on the other end of the couch.

Laziness is having disposable silverware, plates, bowls and cups because you don't want to have to wash real ones.

Laziness is having 2 gym memberships in 2 states because you're too lazy to send a certified letter to cancel one.

Laziness is writing a post about laziness because you're too lazy to come up with anything else.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Riddles

This post is a bunch of riddles. Feel free to guess the answers.

1.) What belongs to you, but is used more by others?

2.) What has 4 legs and a back, but no body?

3.) Take away my first letter and I am unchanged, take away my second letter and I am unchanged, take away all my remaining letters and I am still unchanged! What am I?

4.) Mom and Dad have 4 daughters, and each daughter has one brother. How many children are in the family?

5.) Some say we are red, some say we are green. Some play us, some spray us? What are we?

6.) What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs?



Good Luck!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Guess what?



I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, only a hippopotamus will do.

I don't want a doll, no dinky tinker toys,

I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy.


Nuff said.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Granny Smith

For as long as I can remember people (mainly my Mom) have told me not to buy granny smith apples. "Those are for pies", she'd say. And it was my Mom, so of course I listened.

Well, a few days ago I went shopping and I needed some fruit. For the last couple of weeks I hadn't really purchased any fruit because I only like melons (watermelon, cantelope, honeydew) and they are not in season. Come to think of it, it seems like all the good fruits are best in the summer time, but I really hate the summer . . . son of a bitch.

Anywho, I went to the store with bananas, peaches, and apples on my list.

When I got there, there were no peaches, only nectarines which I didn't really want. So I got some bananas and went to pick out some apples.

Typically I like gala apples, but the last time I bought them they were nothing but a disappointment.

So I stared at the apples for about 5 minutes trying to decide what to do. None of them looked good except for the ones that were supposedly strictly for pie making.

I said "screw it" and grabbed 4.

When I got home I had to have one.

AND IT WAS DELICIOUS.

So many years wasted avoiding sweet deliciousness.

I'm sorry Mom, but they aren't just for pies.

Monday, November 9, 2009

The Bees Knees

What are Bee's Knee's?

Do bee's even have this joint in their legs?

Why do people say "that's the Bees Knees" when something is awesome?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . or,

Why do people say "that's the cat's pajama's" when something rocks their socks ( there's another one)?

I did a little research on Wikipedia, and this is all it had to say:

The Cat's Pajamas, A phrase used to describe something as beneficial.

It had nothing to say about "The Bees Knees" but the practice of "Bee Bearding" did come up.

Apparently, Bee Bearding is the practice of wearing several hundred thousand honey bees on one's face, usually as a side show activity. . . . . well that's just The Bees Knees! (see what I did there)


So then I googles "The cat's Pajama's" and it led me to "The Urban Dictionary" This is what they have to say:



An adjective used by hipsters of the 1920's to describe a person who is the best at what they do.
Also used to describe another person who is genial and fun to be with.
This term has been recently popularized by the movie 'The School of Rock'.
Synonym: bees-knees
"Martin sure knows how to dance, he's the cats pajamas, man!" - - - this is an example

. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . and . . .

1920s Lingo describing someone (something) who is great, incredible or special. Usually indicating stylishness or innovation. Pajamas were a relatively new fashion in the 1920s. The term "cat" was beginning to be used as a term to describe the out going and unconventional jazz-age flappers.
That girl wearing those Paris Hilton sunglasses must think she's the cats pajamas. - - - this is an example
Those crazy rinestone studded platinum teeth are the cat's pajamas! - - this is an example


WOW! Fascinating stuff, and apparently, "The cat's pajama's" and "The Bees-knees" are synonyms.

AMAZING.

Either way, this is all I can think of when I hear these 2 phrases.




and

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Bad Genes

I don't mean to offend my parents by the title of this post. Growing up and even now I was never fat, I never had acne, and people didn't ever say I was ugly by any means. But there are other things that aren't so great. Like the fact that when I bend over to pick something up, my lower back pretty much goes out on me.

Then there's my hips. I went to bed perfectly fine last night, and woke up with a terrible pain in my right hip.

I know this can't be good, because my Grandma had a hip replacement at some point in her life, and my other Grandma is pretty much keeled over when she's standing up.

Not that any of this is their fault. But I think "strong back" is definitely going to be on my "must have list" for any guy that may ask me to marry him.

By the way, I expect to look something like this within the next five years.


Saturday, November 7, 2009

I have an owie

Yesterday I was cutting a bagel in half with one of the very sharp knives I got from my older younger sister for my birthday. I guess I wasn't paying enough attention because this happened:






I know it looks minor, but I'm pretty sure it's the cut equivalent of a gunshot wound.

When your fingers are cut free you take them for granted. Simple things like typing or opening a Red Bull can be excruciatingly painful if you accidentally use the wrong finger. Don't even get me started about putting a band-aid on it. I've already tried this twice. Both times it was ruined as soon as I so much as washed my hands. AND THEN when I took it off, that part of my finger looked all white and dead like. So I gave up.

Right now I'm on hold with the DMV trying to get a handicap sticker. I'm pretty confident they won't turn me down. If I fail on the phone I think I'll just show them a picture of the knife that hurt me.



Don't get me wrong, I still love the knives.

Friday, November 6, 2009

The Chair

I've lived in Sparks, Nevada for about 4 months now. During the first month the only furniture I had in the living room were two barstools.

In the second month my BFF decided to let me use her couch. It was very exciting . You would understand if you lived without a couch for a month.

Over the next few weeks I bought a shelf for my DVD's as well as a proper stand for my television (I had been using a nightstand).

The whole time I have lived here I've wanted a chair. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford one. I might have taken out a loan from a furniture store, but then I bought this MacBook Pro (which is way more worth it).

On Tuesday I decided to go to the local Good Will store to see if they had any good chairs for a reasonable price. I knew they would be old fashion, but that didn't bother me . . . vintage is in, right?

After about ten minutes, I found it. The perfect chair at an amazing price.




Isn't it beautiful? ( I'm not asking you A.C.S.) I want to cover it with a different fabric in the same way I did the couch. If you're unfamiliar with that story, basically I used fabric glue and cut up a couch cover to custom fit the cover to the couch.

Any suggestions on what color I should use? Also, feel free to guess how much I paid for the chair.

Oh, and did I mention it rocks? ( as in back and forth)

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Remember, Remember

Remember, remember the 5th of November, the gun powder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gun powder treason should ever be forgot.

"V for Vendetta" is a movie I never thought I'd watch. Why? One reason. Creepy masked man.

However, about 4 weeks ago it was on MTV and my BFF said I should watch it. I told her I don't like movies with scary men in masks, but she insisted. She told me that the masked man was a good guy. This didn't really sway me . . . you see . . . when I was about 12, I watched "The Crow". The Crow is a good guy, and yet I still ended up sleeping on the floor of my brothers room for a month. Yes, an entire month, I'm not exaggerating here.***

I didn't end up watching it that night. But then it was on again a couple days later. There wasn't anything else on, so I basically had no choice.

The next three hours were glorious (3 hours with commercials . . . yes, I think this is ridiculous).

I'm not going to summarize the movie, because if you haven't seen it, then you should go watch it. If you have seen it, then you know how wonderful it is . . . unless you didn't like the movie, which is just crazy.

I'd like to say that I went to bed fearless that night, but I was still afraid a man in a Guy Fawkes mask was going to come and murder me. I guess that's just how my mind works. So I had no choice but to fly to Chicago and sleep on the floor of my brothers room. It was expensive, but not unnecessary.



*** during the duration of my one month stay on the floor of my brothers room he said something to me that I will never forget. First a little background information is necessary. Yes, I had trouble sleeping after seeing a scary movie, but it wasn't because I had nightmares. I always slept just fine if there was someone in the room with me. I just felt safer. So when my brother asked me why I couldn't sleep in my own room I explained this to him. He replied with this " So by sleeping in my room you'll get to see me murdered before he murders you." Although he made a good point, I still didn't want to sleep alone, but I'll still never forget it.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Viewer Discretion is Advised

The images you are about to see may not be suitable for children, nor those who become queazy at the sight of blood. Consider yourself warned.

It seems as though the only people who understand my fear of Revolving Doors are related to me. Perhaps it can be attributed to growing up in Southern California, perhaps it's because it's genetic . . . or maybe . . . just maybe, it's because the rest of you don't understand the sheer danger that is possible every time you enter or exit a building using a revolving door.

Therefore, I have decided to illustrate the worst possible outcome. However, I need you to understand, that just because it is the worst possible outcome, does not mean it's rare or unheard of . . . in fact, millions of people each year die in a revolving door accident.










As you can see here, a creepy man has entered the revolving door while someone else (in this case, me) is still in the process of revolving it. Because there are no mirrors on her section of the door she is unaware of his presence and continues to revolve the door at a pace she is comfortable with.



However, the creepy man has his own pace in mind. Who knows why, perhaps he needs to go solve a mystery, or maybe he's just an ass. Whatever the reason, he proceeds to turn the door at a much faster pace then the unsuspecting girl is prepared for, and as a result the door crushes her leg and she dies.












Are you afraid of revolving doors now?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Dreams

Everyone dreams of growing up to be something. Everyone's dreams change as they get older. Here are some illustrations of the dreams I had, including the most current one. Enjoy.


BTW, the first one is of a dinosaur. No, I didn't want to be a dinosaur when I was 5, I just wanted to find their bones.



Monday, November 2, 2009

TMI

Question: What is your name?

Answer: Madelyn, but some people call me Scolari45

Q. Interesting, why Scolari45?

A. Anyone who really knows me knows the answer to this, but basically I had a huge crush on Peter Scolari when I was 14 years old.

Q. Who the hell is Peter Scolari?

A. It hurts my heart that you have to ask me that question. He is an actor. You may know him as "The other guy" from "Bosom Buddies". . . and before you ask . . . "Bosom Buddies" was a sitcom that was on in the early '80s. He starred in the show opposite an actor you may or may not have heard of . . . Tom Hanks. He was also in "Newhart", one of Bob Newharts many sitcoms . . . the funniest one if you ask me.

Q. Okay . . . still no idea who you're talking about, but moving on. Where were you born?

A. I was born in Ventura, California.

Q. What do you want to be when you grow up? A little kid again.

A. What's your maiden name? . . . trick question, technically I don't have one yet.

Q. Do you have any brother's or sister's?

A. Two sister's, one brother. Although when I was growing up ( I'm the youngest by the way) I thought that my oldest sister and my brother were just people that lived in our house. I'm not sure when I realized they were actually related to me, but it was probably later than I'd like to admit.

Q. Okay, the questions are going to get a little tougher now, are you ready?

A. Am I ready? Was that the first tough question?

Q. You're hilarious. . . Here we go . . . Why don't you ever smile?

A. I thought that may be one of the questions. I've thought about this a lot, because I myself am not completely sure, but I do have a few theories.

a.) when I was in the fourth grade I was playing my older younger sister's recorder (the instrument that sort of looks like a flute), and she caught me. She was really angry, grabbed it, and swung it at my face which knocked out part of one of my front teeth. From that moment on I became known as snaggle tooth (by my older older sister anyway). I didn't get it fixed until right before I started high school. That's a gap ( no pun intended) of 4 years when I was too embarrassed to smile because of my snaggle tooth.

b.) I'm very sarcastic, and I've watched sitcoms for as long as I can remember. I learned early on, if you want something to sound REALLY funny, you can't laugh or smile when you say it. Unfortunately this can also backfire, leaving you looking like a total bitch when people don't know you're joking . . . and when I say don't know, I mean, they're idiots with a terrible sense of humor.

c.) Smiling gives me a headache. It makes my face hurt, which makes my head hurt.

d.) One day I frowned for too long and it got stuck that way. . . hmmm . . . Maybe my parents weren't lying.

Q. Interesting stuff. Next tough question . . . Of what are you most afraid?

A. That's easy. Revolving doors. They're terrifying, especially if someone gets in behind you and goes too fast. I avoid them at all costs. I think the worst thing about them is that they look like so much fun. They are very deceiving. . . . Also, men in scary masks.

Q. Oooookay. Well, I suppose that's enough for tonight. We'll continue this next time.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

NaBloPoMo

NaBloPoMo is basically where you post every day during the month of November. Other bloggers have talked about signing up, and while I'm not sure if this means mentally or physically I have decided to try. Thirty posts in thirty days.

What to expect:

1.) Short posts, that don't say much. (This is just the first of many)

2.) Uninteresting material.

3.) Possible failure.

That's about it. It's going to be a long month that will test both my grammar knowledge (or lack there of) and my self discipline.

Monday, October 26, 2009

BTW this is my Pumpkin

This is my pumpkin and the Pumpkin my BFF did. I know you'll probably think hers is cooler, but don't tell me, it will hurt my feelings.

Mine is the spider.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Yes Please

The title of this post is in no way related to the material you are about to read, but sometimes it's hard coming up with a title for a post.

I have some things to talk about, but they don't really have anything to do with each other.

1.) My birthday was last week. I turned old. Ever since I turned . . . I don't know . . . 18, I stopped looking forward to my birthday. I guess I looked forward to my 21st birthday, but that's about it. I did get some cool things though.

a.) a knife set from my sister A. They are very sharp, and very useful. Thank you.

b.) A Dunder Mifflin company picnic t-shirt, from my beastly "sister". Thanks for paying attention to my blog.

c.) A 16.9 oz Red Bull and a bottle of champagne from my friend E. Thanks buddy.

d.) Fake glittered pumpkins, Baskin Robbins Chapstick, a mini bowling set, pumpkin spice air freshener, pens with weird
dog heads on them, candy, and a 25 dollar gift card to Walmart . . . also from my beastly "sister". Thank You.

e.) A 25 dollar gift card to Starbucks from my mom and dad that will buy me approximately 5 Grande Pumpkin Spice
frappacinos. Thank You! I will think of you while I drink them

f.) My Bff made me a delicious dinner and several hundred cupcakes. Thank you.

2.) I started playing Poker with some friends on Tuesday nights. I haven't won yet, and don't really expect to anytime soon. I'm a horrible gambler and I'm too afraid to bluff.

3.) I gave blood a week and a half ago. The next day I went to the gym and was going to run my usual 2 to 3 miles. After about half a mile I was dying. They tell you not to exercise for the rest of the day after you give blood, but they didn't say it would be a bitch to exercise the next day. So I figured I would be okay the next day . . . but no, it was still hard. Well, it's been a week and a half and I'm still not able to run what I used to . . . which in turn has led me to believe that I am either dying, ooooor I have developed Asthma.

4.) The other night I wore my Dunder Mifflin Company Picnic t-shirt to Poker night, and someone had the nerve to ask me if I knew what it meant. I wanted to slap him across the face. Instead I made a sarcastic remark.

5.) It's fall now, and while I welcome the cooler weather, I'm upset because watermelon, honeydew, and cantaloupe are out of season. They are my favorite fruits. Now I'm forced to eat apples.

6.) I carved a pumpkin on Thursday night. I was looking forward to it as usual, but I've decided that the reason we only carve produce once a year is because it's a pain in the ass. The pumpkin looks good, but it's already starting to rot.

7.) Some fellow bloggers and I have started a new blog about television shows. I suggest you check it out. http://coldopenings.blogspot.com, and yes, I came up with the Title. Enjoy.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Just 34 years ago . . .

Thirty-four years ago today my sister was "born".

When my parents were married, all they wanted to do was start a family. They were young and stupid.

They were also responsible. They waited until my father had finished college and found a decent job. They were almost 24 when they began trying to start a family. They both figured this would be very easy because they were both young and in the prime of their lives. Well, months went by and nothing. They were frustrated. My mother suggested adoption and my father only wanted to make her happy so he reluctantly agreed.

They filled out the papers and figured it would only be a matter of months before they had their new baby. Unfortunately, babies were in high demand, and the supply was low. The adoption agency told them it could be up to 5 years, and in the meantime they should continue trying to conceive.

My mother was heartbroken when she heard this, so my father researched other options.

He found one.

I'm sure you've all heard of the Psychology case where a boy whose . . . well you know . . . were destroyed during a routine circumcision and because of this his parents decided to raise him as a girl?

Psychologists were testing Nature versus Nurture. They believed that if they raised him as a girl, he would turn out to be a perfectly normal female.

Well, apparently they were also testing this with Beasts.

Adult humans were given baby beasts to raise as humans. ( Remember, this was all back in the 70's when everything was a little weird).

My Dad discovered this experiment in the local Pennysaver and told my mom about it. At this point, my mom was willing to do anything. So they filled out the paperwork and on October 6th, 1975 they took my older "sister" home.

The first 6 months were very difficult. My mom would turn her back for just a second and . . . I'll call her M . . . would be out in the backyard trying to hunt and kill gophers. Eventually they had to put bars on all the windows. The doors had to be locked at all times, and her bedroom was always locked from the outside at nighttime.

Over the years, it was constantly difficult. In grade school the teacher caught her several times with Rollie Pollies in her desk. Apparently she like to snack on them.

Luckily as she got older, she became more human like. She even went to college and grad school. Eventually science had progressed enough and she was able to have several plastic surgeries to make her look more human.

As a result of this experiment she studied Psychology in college and now has her PHd. She teaches at a University in Ohio and often talks about this case, but none of her students know that it is actually she who lived it.

By the way, in 1977 my parents were finally able to conceive naturally, and they went on to have 3 healthy, human children.

Monday, September 28, 2009

No interesting material required

It seems that every blog I follow had a new post today. I feel it's a sign that I too, must post. Do I have anything interesting to say? No, not at all. So I'll just take you through my day. Prepare to be bored.

9:30 am - Woke up without the help of an alarm clock. Realized I didn't have to be awake yet, went back to sleep.

10 am - Alarm clock went off, I hit the snooze.

10:05 am - Really tired but can't stop thinking that any minute my alarm is going to go off again and I will have to wake up and get ready for work. So I just get up.

10:06 am - Brush my teeth.

10:09 am - Turn shower on, then proceed to take shower.

10:19 am - get dressed, brush hair, lotion up.

10:25 - check e-mail, facebook, twitter . . . the usual.

10:35 - Leave apartment, lock door, walk down to car, start car, leave parking lot, etcetera.

10:40 am - Stop at 7 11 for much needed caffeinated beverage.

10:42 am - Walk to counter to purchase caffeinated beverage, girl behind counter annoys me insisting that I was just there purchasing the exact same drink. I use my bachelors degree in Psychology to assess that she is crazy. She keeps talking, her coworker gets involved. I think to myself "please just take my money and give me my change so I can go." Eventually this happens. Leave extremely annoyed but excited about my caffeinated beverage.

10:45 am - Drive to work.

11:03 am - Enter building I work in, still feeling tired, and wondering once again if there was actually any caffeine in my so called "caffeinated beverage".

11:06 am - Steal Dear Abby and Word Jumble from place of businesses Newspaper.

11:08 am - Skim Dear Abby for interesting problem. No luck, proceed to solve word Jumble.

11:10 - Word Jumble solved. Yes, I am a genius.

11:15 - Begin work.

Unfortunately, I cannot go into detail about my work day, sworn to secrecy.

2:45 pm - Finish work day. Drive home.

3:15 pm - Eat lunch.

3:30 pm - Check e-mail, facebook, twitter.

4:00 pm - Fall asleep from doing exhausting top secret work for three hours.

6:30 pm - Get ready for gym.

6:45 pm - Leave for gym. Wave to lovely old lady who lives next door to me and often sits outside with what I can only assume is her bff and talks.

7:00 pm - Arrive at gym, walk to treadmill. Adjust my shoes, retie them, strap on ipod, turn on music and run 2 miles.

7:30 pm - Begin weight lifting portion of gym time. Sculpt my legs to perfection, conveniently forget to stretch, and leave gym.

8:00 pm - Drive to Walmart to buy some food.

What I purchased at Walmart : Ice, Starbucks Frappucinos, toothpicks, 2 red bell peppers, 2 onions, 1 box multigrain farfalle pasta, 1 package gum, mushrooms, plastic cups (red), 1 box twinkies, 1 box hostess cupcakes.

No, I'm not proud of those last two things . . . But DAMNIT there was candy everywhere because of halloween, I was only born with so much will power.

8:30 pm - Drive home.

8:40 pm - Arrive home. Struggle to carry all grocery bags up at once to avoid second trip. Look for old ladies, but they must have gone inside.

8:45 pm - Put groceries away, wash dishes.

9:00 pm - Take another shower.

9:10 pm - Cook dinner.

9:30 pm - Eat delicious dinner while watching "How I Met Your Mother" online.

10:00 pm - Fight urge to eat entire box of hostess cupcakes and twinkies. Instead, have one of each.

10:15 pm - Read the blogs I follow . . . surprised to see that all of them have posted today. Decide to come up with my own post, no matter how boring it is.

10:30 - Begin writing post, and trying to recall events of the day.

11:29 - Finish post, realizing how boring my day was.

Monday, September 21, 2009

3 truths and a lie

Yup, time for another post of THREE TRUTHS AND A LIE. Let's get started shall we?

1.) Lately I've been feeling extremely lethargic both at work and at home. My face has also been twitching, and sometimes when I close my eyes it seems as though the room is spinning (with no alcohol involved). At first I thought it might just be anemia, but now, after watching hours on end of Grey's Anatomy, I am convinced I have a brain tumor.

2.) Three weeks ago I joined a gym. I've been trying really hard to eat healthy lately and have come to realize that fruits and vegetables are not only expensive, but you can't buy them in bulk. It's been a huge pain in the ass, and I'm losing a battle against candy. (hmmm, that was kind of three things in one wasn't it? . . . oh well, they're either all true, or all false, you decide)

3.) Recently I was in a car accident and my face now looks like this. I'm sorry I didn't call anybody, but I'm in a lot of pain.



4.) Last but not least, I gave up Red Bull about 2 weeks ago, unfortunately I bought one today. In fact i bought 2 (it was 2 for $5, how could I resist). I don't regret it though, not for one second.


Okay, I think it's pretty obvious which one is the lie, so there will be no prize this time. Good luck, not that you need it.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Wants/Needs/Haves

WANTS:

1.) I WANT a Dunder Mifflin Scranton shirt. The red one from the company picnic episode. Also known as last seasons finale.

2.) I WANT bugs, spiders, moths, wasps etc. to stay the hell away from me at all times.

3.) I WANT a lifetime supply of Red Bull.

4.) I WANT to be able to wear scrubs to work without actually working in a hospital.

5.) I WANT to eat candy all day without getting cavities or gaining weight.

NEEDS:

1.) I NEED medical insurance.

2.) I NEED to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life.

3.) I NEED 1 billion dollars . . . in order to NOT need number 2's need.

4.) I NEED two new front tires for my car. Which would be simple if I had number 3.

5.) I NEED someone to find a cure for headaches.

HAVES:

1.) I HAVE a very entertaining blog.

2.) I HAVE a Steve Carell bobble head. Priceless? Yes, yes it is.

3.) I HAVEa big bag of candy that I really WANT to eat right now, but I NEED to not eat all of it. (see what I did there)

4.) I HAVE a thick red rubber band around my wrist that I'm pretending is for a cause, but is actually from around a head of cabbage.

5.) I HAVE to come up with something better than this to post.


But I won't.

Note: All these Wants/Needs/Haves are subject to change at any time without any notice and without any reason.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Food for those who don't cook . . . much

I saw the movie Julie & Julia somewhat recently, and this is my tribute to Julie. If you haven't seen or heard of this movie, it's basically about a woman (Julie) who starts a blog with only one topic (I know, can you believe it). She cooks every recipe in the cook book "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" by Julia Child, and gives herself a time limit of 365 days with 524 ( I think) recipes. It's based on a true story, which makes me wonder if I should stick to one topic. Nah, I think I can still get a book/ movie deal out of all my posts. Right? (Just say yes)

Waffles - A breakfast food I've spent most of my life avoiding because of those damn shallow squares that get big chunks of butter stuck in them. However, thanks to the fine people at Eggo I have recently come to love them. The key is to melt the butter in a separate container first, and then carefully pour over a previously frozen, but now recently toasted waffle. Combine with warm syrup and the result is pure deliciousness.

Peanut Butter and Jelly - a longtime favorite of mine. All the ingredients in this American past time ( I just made that up, I don't actually know the origin of the PB & J) need to be just right. The bread has to be soft, obviously. The Jelly must be grape, although my opinion on that has been known to start huge debates. And the peanut butter has to be smooth (also up for debate). I like to put on the peanut butter and then apply the jelly directly on top of that . . . I don't know why, it just tastes better that way. Once the sandwich has been put together most people like to cut it in half. I'm against that. Not only because I'm a grown up now, but also because the middle of the sandwich is the best, if you cut it in half, the middle although still the same size (technically) seems to be decreased, making the sandwich less enjoyable.

Bagelfuls - Another delicious frozen food brought to us by the folks at Kraft ( the first and only other being macaroni and cheese). I was skeptical at first. My sister told me about them and we weren't sure if the cream cheese to bread ratio would be sufficient. We were also worried about the quality of the cream cheese. Would it be acceptable? Only one way to find out. I didn't try them until I lived with my BFF. She said they were wonderful, plus she had some in the fridge and I was hungry. So I ate one and I am happy to say, they were GREAT. However, it's important that you keep them in the fridge and not the freezer. If you keep them in the freezer the cream cheese will still be frozen after you toast it. So you will keep toasting it until the cream cheese is just right, but the bread is completely burned.

Stir Fry - Pretty much the only thing I can cook. Yes, the vegetables are frozen, but only because it's more convenient, and in the long run probably saves money. The chicken is also frozen, but for the same reason. So, basically all I do is put these two things in a pan and wait until they are cooked all the way. The rice is just as simple, although I do find it difficult to get the amount of water right. Leave it to me to make something so easy, so difficult.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Favors

Let me ask you a question. I want you to go with the first thing that comes to your mind, because that is the answer I'm looking for.

When you ask for a favor, big or small . . . how do you phrase it?


Now let me ask you another question.


What do you consider a HUGE favor?

Here are some favors that I consider huge:

1.) Asking for a kidney.

2.) Asking to borrow a large amount of money.

and finally

3.) Asking for a second chance when you know you don't deserve it.


Recently, every time someone asks me for a favor, they label it as huge. So when they say "Hey, can you do me a HUGE favor?", I brace myself and say "sure, what?" Here are some of the HUGE favors I have done for people recently:

1.) I let someone borrow a pen.

2.) I made change for a dollar.

Don't forget, these are HUGE favors . . .

3.) I passed someone the salt.

4.) I gave someone a nickel.


The list goes on . . . and with all these HUGE favors I'm doing for people, I think I might have something good coming to me soon.

The moral of this post is this:

Choose your words wisely around me, because if you don't, I WILL label you an idiot.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Long Day . . . Long Post

Today was my first day off in 6 days. Not that I work long hours or anything. But still.

I woke up around 10 am, ate some breakfast and watched a little TV before beginning my long list of "Things to do on my day off".

Around 11:30 I decided I better get dressed and get a move on, before it was 3 o'clock and most of the day had gone to waste (which is what I usually do on my day off).

After getting dressed I turned off the television and all the lights and headed out.

Of course it was hot, and after being in the car for about two minutes I was pretty much covered in sweat and miserable. I don't have air conditioning and it's hard to get a good wind flowing through the car when every street has a speed limit of 35 miles per hour or less . . .and yes you will be pulled over if you don't obey because the cops around here have pretty much nothing better to do.

My first destination was about 3.5 miles away, but it still took me like 15 minutes to get there because of the aforementioned speed limits.

My errands took me about 2 hours to complete and when I returned home I was ready to relax on the couch some more and watch TV.

Did I mention I wasn't feeling well during all of this. I felt like I was coming down with yet another cold (I had just had one 2 weeks earlier).

So I put all my newly purchased items away, grabbed some grapes and sat down. I reached for the remote while simultaneously looking up at the television and cable box only to realize the cable box was not on, nor was the router/ modem, NOR was my Play Station.

Had the power gone out while I was away?

No, the microwave clock is still on, and my ceiling fan is still going.

Is it the power strip that had all those things plugged into it?

I fiddled with the power strip for several minutes before deciding to plug the TV in separately to see if it was in fact the entire outlet.

Okay, so the one outlet that is in the only spot the TV, modem/ router, cable box and Play station can be plugged into suddenly stopped working.

Why?

I have no idea.

So I call the office of the apartment complex.

No answer. I leave a message telling them this one outlet has mysteriously stopped working, which apartment I'm in, my name and my phone number.

Meanwhile, I decide to open my laptop to see if I could get an internet connection from my neighbor (something I had been doing for an entire month before I went ahead and installed cable and internet into my own apartment)

There was no signal, but it's important that you realize that my computer was working fine at this point. The internet wasn't working, but my computer WAS.

At this point I decided to move the TV, cable box, router/ modem and my Play Station closer to another outlet so that all the cords would reach. It looks terrible by the way. And I wouldn't be surprised if I end up tripping over all the cords at some point.

Okay, now everything is plugged in. The internet should be working, and I can finally get back to my grapes!

I sit down, turn on the TV, and open my computer.

But does my computer come on?

NO, NO IT DOES NOT!

I try turning it off, but I think it's already off.

I take out the battery and put it back in, and then try to turn it back on.

Nothing.

It is important that you know that the outlet my computer is plugged into is not the same as the one that suddenly stopped working. And I know the outlet that it IS plugged into is working because my cord is lit up (if that makes any sense . . . if not, I'm not going to explain).

I try everything I can think of with my computer and nothing is working. Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely surprised . . . I mean, the computer is five years old, and I was sort of expecting it to die any day. But it had JUST worked five minutes earlier.

So what do I do? I do what any normal person in this situation would do, I call my BFF.

She thinks I should take it to the Apple Store and ask them to see if they can figure out what happened.

Because she's my BFF, I take this advice, even though I don't feel well, and all I want to do is relax.

So I drive down there. It's sort of a long ways away . . . actually it's right next to my work . . . and there's traffic. OF COURSE! Why wouldn't there be traffic on a freeway I've never experienced traffic before?

I'll tell you why. BECAUSE I WAS HAVING A BAD DAY, AND SOMEBODY DIDN'T WANT IT TO GET ANY BETTER!

Am I insinuating a conspiracy against me? I don't know, but is there a better explanation? No, no there is not.

So, finally I get there, only I decide not to take my computer in, because it's old and I don't have applecare, and I just want a new computer anyway!

I talk to someone about my dilemma. I tell her my computer just died on me and I would like to get a new one, but I need to do it on credit.

At this point I don't know why I just said that because I've already applied for their credit card twice only to be denied twice.
I guess I was hoping there was a different line of credit I could apply for.

THERE WAS! They had recently just changed the credit card they offer for purchases on their merchandise. So she has me apply online.

By the way I have excellent credit, ask anybody . . . that knows me.

DENIED!

WTF!

I leave empty handed and telling myself that there is a reason SOMEONE doesn't want me to have a new computer . . . or an old one for that matter.

On the long, trafficy, hot drive home, I decide to call the number on the back of my existing Best Buy card to see how much longer I have of 0% interest financing. I got the card in October of 2008 with 18 months of 0% financing. However, I also had one late payment ( that technically wasn't even my fault), which can sometimes be listed in those silly Terms and conditions that everybody just accepts without reading anyway, as a reason you no longer have 0% financing for as long as they said you would.

The 800 number on the back of the card is no help.

Now I really need help. So who do I call?

If you guessed my mommy, you are correct.

I explain the situation and she doesn't know what I should do either. However, she does tell me that I received something from one of the credit cards that denied me in the mail. Apparently I don't have enough revolving credit for them. God forbid I'm able to pay more than the minimum on a credit card.

If only they could see my student loans.

So then I call my BFF again. I tell her what happened at the Apple store and how I want to go to Best Buy. She says that the last time she was at Best Buy they didn't have any Apple Computers, and I become worried.

I will not go back to PC . . . Never . . . ever. . . ever . . . again.

She tells me which Best Buy it was, so I go to a different one.

No Apple Products!

Crap, I begin to worry even more.

Then a sales associate asks me if I need any help. I ask him if they sell Apple products anymore, and he says "not at this location". Then he tells me they have them at the Reno location.

Yea! Next I ask customer service about the 0% issue. He tells me I still have it, I should have just had to pay a late fee. I did.

So I head to the Reno location, which is farther than I wanted to travel, but oh well.

When I get there I look for their Apple computers. I find them, but of course the one model I want to look at is being occupied by some stupid little kid who is clearly not there to buy.

Fortunately, I had looked at them enough online to know which one I want. When someone asks me if I need help, I tell him exactly what I want and about five minutes later he has one for me.

SUCCESS!

While in the middle of purchasing he asks me if I want 18 months of 0% financing? "Ummmm, yes", I reply, "but I've already had this card for like 10 months". He says it doesn't matter and I leave with a new computer and a huge sense of relief.

And that, my friends, is the story of how I finally got my new Apple computer.

By the way, right after I typed that last sentence, I solved the outlet problem, but that is a different post entirely.

Monday, July 27, 2009

"Arrested Development"

"Arrested Development" was a great show that should have never been cancelled.

Unfortunately, I'm partially to blame as I did not start watching it until it was on it's way off the air. Shame on me and everyone else that didn't realize how great it was before it was too late. I kick myself everyday for not giving it the chance it deserved when it first hit the airwaves.

On a more positive note, the DVD's are really cheap.

Then again there are only three seasons to buy, so we're back to square one.

I recently watched the series again from start to finish after a friend mentioned Bob Loblaw on his facebook status. (insert shout out to this person here.)

Now, here I am once again wanting more. (take back shout out from not-aforementioned person here)

Sure, the deleted scenes, bloopers, and commentary helped fill the void for a while. But now there is nothing else to do but wait a few months before watching it from start to finish yet again.

There is one secret hope I carry with me.

As some of you may or may not know "Family Guy" was cancelled after 2 seasons, only to be brought back because Fox realized it had made a grave error by taking it off the air. Wellllll, Arrested Development was also on Fox. And Fox, as we all know, can't seem to bring very many good shows to the mix . . . like ever . . . I mean, they have like 2 popular shows . . . and they cancelled one of them (as mentioned before) only to bring it back. Seriously, who's running this Network?

Do you get where I'm going with this?






How about now?

Fine!

What if they decided to bring it back! Oh what a day that would be.

There is talk of a movie. Sure it would be nice, but would it be enough?

I don't think so. I want episodes upon episodes, seasons upon seasons! I mean if "The Simpsons" is still on the air after 20 years, why not "Arrested Development"?

Sunday, July 19, 2009

My life in numbers

100 - Number of degrees it's been the past few days.

24- Number of hours Wal-Mart is open in this town!

20 - Number of days I've lived in Sparks, Nevada.

10 - Number of yogurts I've eaten recently.

9 - Number of days I've worked since I got here.

6 - Number of times I've been to Bingo in the last 20 days.

3 - Number of apartments I looked at before deciding.

1- Number of times I've gotten sick in the last 8 months.

1- Number of asses I want to kick for hurting my best friend.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The aftermath

Recently I went on an eight hour drive. What you are about to see may shock and upset you. Viewer discretion is advised.







As you can see, my left arm (the one that hangs out the window when you drive) is severely sunburned. The rest of my body, however, is still very much pale.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Latest

Early this morning I took my penguin for a little walk. Mostly it was so he could relieve himself, but also for the exercise.





And wouldn't you know it, he had to stop at every damn tree on the block.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Around the World in 2 days part Deux

After my amazing balloon ride adventure, I still had a lot of time left on my 2 days off. So, I went on the internet and typed "fun things to do on your days off" into the google search engine.

A wide variety of results came up, but the one I thought seemed most intriguing was this:






That's right, what you are seeing in the above picture is me, after a very difficult climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower. It was a little pricey, but it's something I'll remember for the rest of my life. The only part I didn't like was how horrible my hair looked that day. But hey, I had just climbed 1,063 feet after a 12 hour flight.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Around the world in 2 days

One week ago I had two days off and I decided to make the most of them.

I had some money saved up, and I saw an ad in the newspaper the day before about hot air balloon rides. I've always wanted to go on a hot air balloon ride, but never really looked into it. So when I saw this ad, I took it as a sign. Plus, the advertisement was for 1/2 off a 2 hour ride around the county. Who says this recession is a bad thing?

When I got home from work that day I called the company and reserved a balloon for the next day.

I know some of you are probably having trouble believing all this. Luckily, the ride came with a complimentary picture of me floating in the sky.




See, I told you.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Grammar rules broken

A few days ago, my bff and I were sitting in her car and waiting for her boyfriend to get out of work. The two of us had just been to lunch and she had brought him a dessert from the restaurant. Unfortunately, the dessert had a scoop of ice cream on it, and it was melting fast*. I was especially worried about the state of the dessert, so I told her to text him to bring a spoon (he works in a spoon factory).

Well, for whatever reason, she decided to use the word utensil instead of spoon. While typing into her phone she realized something that shook our world a little. Grammatically speaking, it's not AN utensil, it's A utensil.

But why? Aren't you suppose to use the word AN before words that start with vowels (nouns in the singular form)? Is there some sort of rule our English teachers forgot to mention? It also doesn't work with Unicorn. Is it just the U sound? Why isn't there some sort of rhyme to help us remember?

If you or someone you know can answer these questions, please, PLEASE do. Thank you.

* The ice cream was on top of a giant warm cookie. We had asked for the dessert to go, but our server brought it out to us . . . um . . . not to go. When we told him it was suppose to be to go, he brought us one container. I, personally, was expecting our server to package it for us, but the fact that he didn't even bring a separate container for the ice cream was extremely irritating.