Saturday, December 26, 2009

Did I mention

I think I forgot to mention that I was able to get my top secret missions covered over the holidays which in turn enabled me to go home.

I still had to work on Christmas Eve, but was able to leave by 3 in the afternoon.

It's roughly an eight hour drive, so I mentally prepared myself for the horrific amount of boredom I was about to endure.

When I set out on my lonely road trip the sun was really bright. Deadly bright.

The first 100 miles were the worst and most dangerous part of my trip. The lines that divide the lanes were barely visible, and the sun was LITERALLY blinding at times. At one point I could not see anything in front of me for about ten seconds. Meanwhile cars were flying past me, and I didn't understand why they weren't having the same problem. During that ten seconds my legs became numb with fear, and I'm pretty sure any car that may have been behind me was furious with my driving, because I was probably only going about 30 miles per hour.

Finally, I pulled over for a bathroom break. It had already been 2 hours and I just wanted the sun to go down.

After that first 100 miles/ 2 hours, the next two hours seemed easy. I could see the road, the speed limit was 70 miles an hour, and I didn't have to pee.

About five and a half hours in I pulled over to get something to eat at Taco Bell. I was pretty tired and still had about three hours to go.

Then something weird happened. I ordered my food and was given the number 311. I sat down to wait when I realized that 311 was the band that was currently playing on the radio. If that's not weird I don't know what is.

After I ate I got some gas and got back on the road. Even though I had been driving for 5 and a half hours, I still had about 3 hours to go. Why? Because I drive the speed limit I guess.

I thought that at this point I would want to kill myself . . . mostly because the last time I made the drive I was extrememly over it after four hours.

But I guess I got a second wind because it was the most fun I've ever had driving alone.

Do you want to know my secret?

Step 1 : The process all starts 6 months beforehand when you stop listening to any cd's you have in your car. If you normally just hook up your ipod to your cd player stop listening to that. Listen to the radio or don't listen to anything . . . for at least 6 months. This is key.

Step 2: Start your long voyage out with a few Red Bulls. Two to three should do it.

Step 3: At some point purchase a water bottle and drink all of it. Do not throw out the water bottle!

Step 4: Put in a cd without looking at what it is, if you take the time to think about what you want to listen to it won't work.

Step 5: Use the empty water bottle as if it were a microphone and sing at the top of your lungs.

Step 6: When the first CD is over put in another one without looking and put the one you already listened to aside so you don't listen to it again. Continue to change the CD's as soon as they are over. By the time you're almost home, you'll be hoping you have time for one more song. Trust me.

This is sort of what it will look like:

Bonus points if you can guess which song I'm singing in this photograph.


Anonymous said...

You are singing '100 bottles of beer on the wall.."

Anonymous said...

I think it's "Proud Mary."

Anonymous said...

"I will survive"

Madelyn said...

Anon 1 - yeah, I have "100 bottles of Beer the wall" on a cd.

Anon 2 - Never heard of that song.

Anon 3 - Nope.

Jon said...

I have insider knowledge, so this is sort of unfair. Your post is pretty misleading because people will assume you're singing the song that's playing on the CD, but that just isn't true. No matter what song was on at that time, you were singing, "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas."

Madelyn said...

Jon - you know me so well.