Preachy

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. I've found that there's no need for this so long as you don't have health insurance. Not having health insurance also keeps the doctor away.

Either way, I eat like 2 to 3 apples a day. Apparently bananas are good for nothing, but I eat about 3 of those everyday too. They are by far, my favorite fruit.

You - Get to your point Madelyn.

Me - My point is that your body is the fanciest piece of machinery you own. The most expensive* piece of technology on this planet. Better than the iPhone 7 will be . . . maybe the 8 . . . maybe.

So take care of it.

Eat right. They** say 80% of your efforts to lose/ maintain a healthy weight come from eating right. Just because you go to the gym, doesn't mean you can eat a bag of skittles for lunch.

Exercise. Thirty minutes a day. One episode of ALF. That's all you need. It's 4% of your day.

Shower.

For the love of god, please shower.

But Madelyn, I'm over 30 . . . it's impossible to lose weight, so why bother?

Okay, you're right. I'm only 29. I'm too young to understand where you're coming from.

But here's what I've read.

As you get older, your natural muscle mass starts to deteriorate without the proper exercise regimen.

What does this mean?

This means you need to lift weights. The more muscle you have, the better your body will look/work/feel. Don't use your age as an excuse.

If someone told you they had found the fountain of youth, wouldn't you want to go there?

Well exercise is as close as it gets, so effing do it.

Side note: It's important to know and realize that when beginning a diet/ exercise program, results take time. One healthy meal won't make you skinny just like one bad one won't make you fat. Don't expect to look like a super model after a week of trying. It's going to take 6 to 8 months. That may seem like a long time, but that time will pass anyway, so like I said before, just effing do it.

Second Side note: A personal trainer can be expensive, but it's worth it if you don't know what you are doing. If you start lifting weights, but you do it improperly, you're not doing yourself any favors.

*What do you mean my body is expensive? I didn't pay anything for it. / Calculate your monthly grocery bill. See how much it would cost to replace your heart. Have a baby.

**They = my team of experts. Don't question it.

In my next post (scheduled for 2/19/2013) I'll tell you all about the "Madelyn Diet". You're probably not going to like it.


Now it's time to spice things up with a little D-Sauce.