Thursday, May 15, 2008

Resume

This post is for anyone willing to hire me on a whim. Here's the kind of work I'm looking for:

1.) Flexible hours...I only want to work about 20 per week.

2.) 6 figure salary...I want that 20 hours to make me buckets of money. (I'm guessing people that work 40 hours a week, probably only get about 20 hours of work done during that time. I am promising you a minimum of 15.)

3.) I need to be able to listen to music I like.

4.) I will only work for you if you have a bowling league. (trust me, I won't let you down {bowling wise that is})

5.) I will need the daily jumble, and some sort of caffeinated beverage provided for me everyday.

6.) I want to start at the top...I've done grunt work for eight years, I think I deserve to be at the top of the ladder already.

7.) I want paid vacations and a company car (preferably a BMW 325i...in a reddish orange)

8.) I'm looking for a job where I can express my creativity. You'll be amazed at what I can do.

9.) I like interacting with people...so long as they have a good sense of humor (and by good, I mean exactly like mine...which is more like best...but we can't expect too much from people.)

10.) I would like to work weekends, but have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday off...I don't really understand why people like the weekends off, everybody is everywhere on those days.

11.) Finally, I'm going to need a massage once a week, as well as a gym membership to the finest facility in town.

Now that everyone know what I am looking for, I'm sure I will get offers up the WaaaahhhZuuuueee. If you are interested, leave me a comment on this post with your companies name and phone number...if you seem interesting, I'll get back to you when I can.

5 comments:

Jessie H. said...

Ha ha, if I was an employer, I would definitely hire you, because then I could have the same benefits...but If I was the boss...it would be even better...because I was the boss.

=D

Anonymous said...

Have you considered joining the military?

You would be an officer, and you would interact.

Top recreational facilities.

Extensive travel, transportation included.

Six figure salary - if you include the two places to the right of the decimal.

Madelyn said...

hmmm...i think the whole, possibility of dying for what I consider an unjust cause factor, is probably why I haven't joined yet. Not to mention my tiny figure.

cadiz12 said...

we're looking for an unpaid intern. no car or gym membership included.

but if you find the gig you're looking for, i will GLADLY leave mine and join you.

Tracey said...

So, when you get this amazing job you WILL be hiring me as well. This isn't a choice you have. As my son's god-mother and favorite aunt...it is your duty. By the way, I'll do you one better, I'll work that job and you can stay home with the beastie all day, spliting the money 50/50 of course.