Last Day

Kris - "So what's the deal with Hell anyway?"

Arlen - "I've seen Hell, and it's name is Reno, Nevada."

A quote from the movie "The Answer Man".

I first saw this movie about a year and a half ago. I was living in Reno, Nevada at the time. It caught me off guard when I first heard it. Then, I replayed it and laughed hysterically before ultimately realizing it was the truth.

I recommend watching "The Answer Man". It stars Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls, Parenthood) and Jeff Daniels. It's currently available on Netflix to watch instantly. IMDB rated it at 6.5 stars. Netflix at 2.5. I think it deserves an 8 and a 3.5 personally . . . and that's just based on that one line I mentioned above.

Other movies I highly recommend that also didn't do well on the star charts:

1.)The Timer

2.) Lovely Still

Other than that, this will be my last post until the next time I post. Could be tomorrow, Could be November 1st, 2012. I hope you've fallen in love with both me, and my blog. You can still access this page by going to my profile on Facebook and looking under my websites. However, if you haven't bookmarked me on your personal computer, work computer, AND your smart phone, I consider it a personal failure. You can still bookmark me today, if this idea has never occurred to you until now. I personally abbreviate it to BE which is short for both "Best Ever" and "Bowling Express".

It's been a full day today.

I've already -

1.) Dropped off my sister-in-law at work.

2.) Gone to the mall.

3.) Eaten a mall pretzel.

4.) Gotten my hair cut.

5.) Gone to the bank.

6.) Gone to Target.

7.) And now I'm done with this post.

Where does the productivity end . . . I mean, it's only 2:30.

The Benefits of Exercise

If you are a person that doesn't exercise, I'm here to tell you that exercising on a daily basis pays off.

Literally.

Sure there's the fitness aspect of exercising . . . staying trim, being healthy, feeling great.

But I recently found out the benefits can be much, much greater than that.

Yesterday on my run I found this:

Sure, it's a little dirty . . . and when I found it, it was completely soaked with rain water, but it's still perfectly good, US, Legal Tender.

And to think, I almost didn't go for a run yesterday.

Ellen DeGenerous found this photo

I would like to apologize for the video I put on yesterdays post. I watched it without the sound on and just assumed it was PG. I would never put something like that on my blog. It was disgusting. I'm sorry.

Other than that, I would like to share a picture of what I think the blogging unicorn would look like if he were a man.

Syar (pronounced Shar), I think I've found your dream man.

There will be an apology for this photo in tomorrows post.

If you don't know what/ who the blogging unicorn is . . . well then I guess you have some research to do.

And Not The Flavored Kind Either . . .

Most of you know it, some of you think it, but the fact is, I am, and always have been -

A candy expert.

Knowing this, you can now trust that my top five favorite candies, are indeed, the absolute best. You can also use this as the go-to list you refer to, when you're inevitably out and about, buying me candy.

5.) Zours - this candy is not very well known. In fact, I'm not even sure if they have them in Illinois. They are, however, the most delicious sour candy I have come across thus far. This includes the ever popular Sour Patch Kids. Don't get me wrong, I like Sour Patch Kids, but if it were between the two I'd pick the Zours every time.

4.) Cadbury mini eggs - not the big ones with the cream filling. Although, those are also delicious. I'm talking about the balls of milk chocolate with a hard candy shell. I think they are highly under rated because they look a bit like malt balls, (which, coincidentally, take the number 1 spot on my Top 5 worst candy of all time list) but don't let that fool you. They are amazing.

3.) Reeses Peanut Butter Cups - I like chocolate, I love Peanut butter, so it stands to reason that I would like them together. Not to mention they had the best commercials when I was little. I'm sure everyone reading this post, has tried to make a hole in the center of their Reeses Peanut Butter Cup . . . in fact I'm pretty sure, that everyone has purchased a package of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups just so they could try to make a hole in the middle. I personally failed every time.

2.) Skittles - It was tough trying to decide between Starburst and Skittles for this list. I love them both, but when it comes right down to it, I love Skittles more. I love the smell when someone else is eating them, I love the color when they're in a big bowl, but most of all, I love eating several at one time. Have you ever smelled an empty Skittles package? Why hasn't this been made into a cologne, or a perfume yet?

And now, for my number one favorite candy of ALL time! . . .

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. . . . . . . . [Cue the trumpets]

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1.) RED VINES - There's nothing like having a big tub of Red Vines sitting in your house. Anybody that prefers Twizzlers over Red Vines needs to get their taste buds checked, because I'm pretty sure Twizzlers are made of wax . . . and not the flavored kind either. Red Vines are not only delicious on their own, but they can also double as a straw! I'm not a huge fan of doing this, but any candy that can multitask deserves a medal. A medal made of Gold . . . with a diamond rim. (I bet you thought I was going to say a medal made of Candy, didn't you? Well that would be dumb. A candy shouldn't get a fake medal made of some other kind of candy, it should get a medal made of the most precious medal on earth, because it's the most precious candy on earth.)

I'm Full

Thanksgiving Highlights

1.) I had Mac and Cheese as a side dish for the first time on Thanksgiving. It was amazingly good.

2.) I tried Tofurkey. It was in sausage form. It was pretty good . . . it mostly just tasted like stuffing with a meaty kind of texture to it.

3.) All of the food was very good.

4.) I peeled . . .and basically made the mashed potatoes. I didn't boil the water or put them in the oven afterwards, but I'm mostly responsible for their deliciousness.

5.) I watched Limitless for the second time. It left me wanting a magical pill that would make me 10 times smarter, which in turn, would make these posts a million times better.

I hope everyone else had a great Thanksgiving as well.

I'm Welcome

Top Ten Things For Which I am Thankful:

10.) That I no longer live in Reno, Nevada (sorry guys, no offense)

9.) Having a job.

8.) RedBull/ Coffee - let's just say caffeine in general.

7.) Pie

6.) My new BFF (oh no, I just called you out to see if you're reading this.)

5.) Other friends

4.) Working arms and legs and ears and nose and eyes and mouth.

3.) My iPad

2.) Family - old and new (you were a close second to my number one thing, I swear)

1.) Ty Burrell making this years sexiest man alive list. He should've beat Bradley Cooper for the number 1 spot though.

Sorry, I tried rotating this, but i guess it didn't stick.

And now, it's time to blow your minds.

High Hopes

If the world turns out the way I want it to . . .

Begin Scene

Server - Good morning, my name is Bee Sting*, and I'll be taking care of you today.

Me - Good morning.

Server - Can I get you started with something to drink? Coffee? RedBull?

Me - I'm actually ready to order everything if that's okay?

Server - Sounds good, what can I get for you?

Me - Well, I will have that RedBull, sugar free if you have it . . . and for breakfast [tapping fingers on chin while reading order from the menu] I would like the tub of Red Vines [pause, then decide to order more] . . . with a side of Reeses Peanut butter cups please.

Server - Excellent choice ma'am.

End Scene

* Remember, this is the future, the names are going to be . . . different.

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I know you're a busy man, especially this time of year, so I'll try to keep this brief.

I would've written you a letter and mailed it, but I know you are one of the few people who keeps up with my blog, plus, I don't really trust the Post Office.

This year for Christmas, I would really like a 2011 . . . maybe 2012 Toyota Prius. I crashed my car in May and have been saving for one, but no matter how much I save, it will take years until I can actually afford it.

As you know, I'm not big on smiling, but I took the liberty of drawing, what hopefully, is a prediction of the near future. As you can see, my smile is quite apparent.

I know you live in Naperville in the off season . . . because I've seen you driving around in your red Toyota Corolla. I wouldn't even mind if you dropped it off the day after Christmas . . . Hey, I'm flexible. I would prefer if it were white, but silver or blue would be fine too . . . even black would be okay . . . but not red (no offense).

Thank you for hearing me out. I think if you check my files you'll see that I've been more than good this year, I've been GREAT. If the records show otherwise make sure you're looking at MADELYN S MULLER. There are a lot of new Madelyn's in this world as of late, because my name is making a comeback. I wouldn't want to miss out on a new Prius because there was a paperwork error.

Sincerely,

Madelyn

Birds eating Icecream

Pine trees are like frozen icebergs making sandwiches for their children.

Bumble bees ride waves all the way to Oklahoma on a hot winter day.

Pencils make great broomsticks during snow storms after lunch.

Bath tubs walk sullenly through the meadows on a bridge while screaming profanities at their mothers.

Lamp posts are dangerous in certain parts of the living room.

Blankets fly like monkeys with no shirts on during a long meeting.

******Yes, this is what my blog has become after 21 days of straight posting. But making no sense is harder than it seems.**********

Bread Crumbs Get Everywhere

Favorite Foods

1.) Peanut butter and GRAPE Jelly on multigrain bread. - Some people think you should cut these in half, but if you do you are making a huge mistake. The best part is the center. Trust me, and try it.

2.) Veggie Delite from Subway - Preferably on Flatbread with Pepper Jack cheese, toasted, with spinach, tomatoes, green peppers, cucumbers, black olives and ranch. It tastes like a vegetarian pizza. I enjoyed these even before I became a vegetarian. Aside from this one sandwich, I think Subway sucks.

3.) Cinnamon toast - buttered multigrain bread (make sure there's salt in that butter) covered with cinnamon sugar. Best toast on earth.

4.) Morningstar buffalo wings - You'd never be able to tell these weren't real meat. Especially when you slather them in ranch.

5.) Silver Peak Nachos with no chicken - Silver Peak is a restaurant in Nevada. Maybe there are some in other states, but there isn't one here. I really miss their nachos. I'm sure they're good with chicken too, but I've just never tried them that way.

6.) Pizza - All the styles, I don't discriminate.

7.) My Moms homemade macaroni and cheese - I feel sorry for kids that grew up on Kraft. However, I do like Kraft macaroni and cheese as well.

8.) Meatloaf - What, I can't have a favorite meat dish? I used to love the stuff, and if I ever went back, it would be the first thing I'd eat.

If I haven't made you hungry, something is probably wrong with you.

PG-13

I'm tired of being modest about it. I work really hard, and everyone needs to know.

I have an amazing body.

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Special shout out to my friend T.R. for getting me this awesome Superman cozy, along with several other really awesome things.

P.A.

I want to post these all over the lobby and stairwells in my apartment complex. How long do you think it will take for them to get torn down?

Flare

My top 5 favorite smells.

1. WD40 - I don't know why, but ever since the first time I smelled it, I only wanted to smell it more.

2. Cigarette-smoke soaked clothes - My Grandma smoked, and anytime we would get a package, it would smell like this . . . but with a blend of her perfume.

3. RedBull - it's just a good smell.

4. Coffee - Most people like this smell. I'm no different.

5. New technology - there's nothing like taking a brand new iPad, phone, television, stereo . . . you name it, out of the box.

Mmmmmm.

Just Flip 'em the Birds

I found everyone's new favorite candy!

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At 120 calories per serving, the Angry Birds come with cherry, lemon, raspberry, apple, grape and strawberry flavors. Flavors that just happen to be both natural AND artificial (mmm . . . artificial, my favorite!), are made with real fruit juice, and, get this, they are fat free!

FAT FREE?!? No other candy has ever been fat free!

Each box contains 2.5 servings.

The best part about this candy though, . . . you get to collect ALL four! That's right, there are four different kinds of boxes. Each of them features a different bird, but the candy inside remains the same.

But enough about the boxes. How do they taste?

All I can say is, don't get your hopes up.

Dinosaurs

As we hit day 15 of NaBloPoMo it's becoming obvious that my life doesn't consist of much. Luckily, I've been aware of this for quite some time, so no harm done.

That being said, I've come up with a game called "Guess that TV show character, from really old television shows I used to watch". I'm still working on the title. I want to find room for ". . . that used to be on Nick at Nite, but now Nick at Nite plays shows that were currently on when I was a kid, and that makes me feel old"(remember, you have to say these game titles with a game-show-host tone of voice), but I'm still looking for the right wording.

So here's how it works: I'm going to give you a character description I found online (yes, very little effort is going into this) and you are going to try and guess the character. I want the characters name, not the actors name, and the name of the tv show that I'm talking about. There will be several clues within the description, and if you know me at all, this should be easy.

There is a prize for the first one who gets all of them right! (I know some of you may think "she keeps talking about prizes, but I still haven't gotten mine yet", but I assure you, there are prizes).

Okay, here we go . . .

1.) I'm a hyperactive, manipulative producer of Dick's TV show who eventually marries Stephanie and has a daughter. Exceptionally shallow and superficial, my wife and I represent the quintessence of the 1980s "yuppie" couple. The dry erase board in my apartment always lists "Take Over CBS" (the network which originally aired the series) among my ever-changing daily tasks. I often speaks in an annoyingly alliterative manner. Who am I?

2.) I am best know for my wise cracks, put downs, and brazen remarks. However, despite my sharp criticism of my daughter and my roommates, I love and care for them deeply. The girls often seek me out for advice, and every situation they encounter leads me to reminisce about my life in Sicily. I've had affairs with several famous historical figures, including Pablo Picasso, Winston Churchill and Sigmund Freud. Who am I?

3.) I am a former thief, who was lucky enough to happen upon a Private Detective agency with an owner that doesn't seem to exist. Although I'd never tell you my real name, I'm sure you've heard me called this one. Who am I?

4.) I'm originally from England, but after emigrating to the United States, I began working for a middle class family in Pennsylvania. I often make subtle remarks that are geared to be advice the recipient has to figure out on his own. I often write the events of the day in my journal, right before I go to bed. Who am I?

5.) I am a World War II Veteran who served in the Seventh Fleet. I am sort of a Father figure to a young man who I love like a son, but can also frustrate me deep in my core. My surname is Grumby, but most people just refer to me by my nickname. Who am I?

Hopefully this isn't too easy. Good Luck!

Side note: I drew this picture of a dinosaur on my iPad today.

Sorry he has no legs.

Soul Mates

Today I'm going to make a birthday card. I don't know if you know this about me, but my birthday cards are kind of a big deal.

I've always made birthday cards rather than buy them, for two reasons:

1.) I'm cheap

2.) It's very hard to find a card that says exactly want you want it to say.

Up until July 2011, my birthday cards were pretty good. I would use construction paper, draw something funny, and use an inside joke to really make it meaningful.

But then I found The Paper Source.

It was like meeting my soul mate . . . although I really don't know what that's like, but I'm sure it will feel the same way it felt when I first entered this store.

Magical.

Four months later our relationship is going strong. It makes me a better person . . . but more than that, it makes me a better crafter.

There is a downside to making birthday cards though.

Time.

These cards take me hours. But when you're in crafting mode, you don't even notice. I'm pretty sure its comprable to how a surgeon must feel while performing surgeries.

Here are a few examples of my work.

I made this one for a friend of mine who likes Jelly Fish.

This is the outside.

This is the inside.

Can you tell who I made this one for?

Side note: 13 years ago today my grandmother died. Rest in Peace Grandma.

Gaggle

My favorite words.

Gaggle - a flock of geese./ A disorderly or noisy group of people. - Something about this word just appeals to me. I also deal with gaggle's of people almost everyday.

Rigmarole - confused or meaningless talk. - My love for this word is based purely on my sisters hate for it.

Don't say my blog never taught you anything.

Something Else in My "Room"

The year was 2007. I was living in San Diego and hitting the lanes almost every day. At this time I was determined to become a professional bowler.

The bowling center I frequented had this sign up. It said something about buying old bowling pins for ten dollars. Twelve bowling pins to be exact. FOR ONLY TEN DOLLARS!?!

After a few days of hesitation I broke down and bought some. I wanted to make a really cool sculpture with them . . . or maybe just put them at the end of my hallway to get some practice in at home.

When I got them home, I opened the box with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning.

This feeling was quickly dashed when I saw them. They were pretty beat up. I now understood why they were only ten dollars.

Still, they were bowling pins, and I LOVE bowling.

My first thought was to try and clean them. So I tried using bleach (mixed with hot water). No luck.

If bleach wasn't going to work, nothing would!

After 10 minutes and 28 seconds of pure panic meltdown, it hit me. I'LL PAINT THEM!

At this point it may be important to know that I was currently unemployed. I had a lot of time on my hands. (School must have been out . . . I can't remember every detail).

So I bought some paint. ( Student loans were fooling me into a false sense of financial stability).

I painted for days, weeks maybe. I put what seemed like a thousand coats on every pin.

But when I was done, the results were magnificent.

At some point I attempted to make a sculpture out of them using Gorilla Glue. Buuuuuut, it didn't exactly work out.

When I moved out of the apartment I painted them in, I decided that if the sculpture wasn't going to work out, I didn't need all of them. It was too much weight to haul around to every future apartment I would ever live in. So I threw out ten and kept two. I gave the other one to a friend of mine, and so now, I only have one.

Explosion

Today I went to my favorite store to date. The Paper Source.

There, I found a notepad that is the very definition of everything I write down.

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That being said, it's 11-11-11 today. I already made my 11:11 am wish. Now I just need to think of a wish for 11:11 pm.

Gluestick

Congratulations to K.R.M., aka my Mother, who apparently, still knows when I'm lying. Expect your prize in 3 to 6 months.

I'm currently having what they call writers block. My teacher at Second City says there's no such thing as writers block, because when you feel like you have nothing to write about, you should just write anything, even if it's a series of non-sensicle words. Words like non-sensicle.

I guess he's right. I mean, I'm writing right now, aren't I? Sure it's not about one thing. There's no direction this is going in, but words are still being typed, and you are still reading them.

I guess I just can't come up with an idea. A focus. But hey, it's day ten of NaBloPoMo, and not all of these posts are going to be brilliant.

Although, I'd say somewhere around 99% of them will be.

Oh well. If my lame post is bringing you down today, here's something that always makes me feel better.

3 Truths and a lie

Congratulations to my Aunt L! She was the first to get all five of the riddles right!

In case you're too lazy to click on the comments section from my previous post, here are the correct answers.

1.) Eye 2.) Time (Although I can totally see internet working, A.S. . That was my first guess, before I looked at the answer, as well) 3.) Footsteps 4.) Yesterday, today, tomorrow 5.) A lighthouse

And now for todays contest! (I have a drawer full of prizes just waiting to be packaged and shipped!*)

I am going to tell you four things that happened to me recently. Three of them are true, and one of them is a lie. First one right gets a prize.

1.) In my writing class** we are suppose to keep a journal. So I came across a blank book I bought at The Paper Source and re-covered the front of it with Dinosaur paper. It's most likely the envy of all my classmates.

2.) My sister-in-law is currently teaching me how to sew. I want to make the best T-shirts*** my family has ever seen for Christmas this year.

3.) I am currently reading a series of books on my iPad, even though the hard copies are available to me.

4.) While buying a pie at the grocery store the other day, I had a nice conversation with the Russian**** checkout lady.

As you can see my life is full of non-stop excitement.

Unfortunately, due to the circumstances, I'm going to have to forbid Jon and Cadiz from guessing.

Good luck to the rest of you. Don't forget to sign your initials if your comments are anonymous.

*Don't worry, this prize drawer is about as impressive as the toy box they have at the Dentists office. (Those still exist, right?)

**I'm taking a writing class at The Second City.

***Every year for Christmas, I make my siblings and their spouses an awesome T-Shirt. So far this has just consisted of me buying 6 Hanes white T-Shirts and drawing on them with a permanent marker.

****Okay, so I'm only 95% sure she was Russian . . . my knowledge of Russian accents is based purely on watching the cartoon movie, An American Tail.

And now . . . just to make this post a little more awesome . . . Ladies and Gentlemen . . . For your viewing pleasure . . . Here's a picture of me . . . when I was a BABY! (Insert crowd going wild, here)

Riddle me this

Time for another interactive post. This one consists of 5 riddles I found online. First one to answer them all correctly gets a prize. This means if you comment anonymously, you have to end the comment with your initials so I know who you are. If your'e my mom or dad, you can sign it as such, or you can put your initials.

NO CHEATING!

1.) I am said by one letter. I am spelled with three. 2 Letters in me. I'm double or single, or brown, blue, or green. I'm read from both ends, and the same the other way. What am I?

2.) For some I go fast, for some I go slow. To most people I'm an obsession, relying on me is a well practiced lesson. What am I?

3.) The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?

4.) Can you name 3 consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday?

5.) What type of house weighs the least?

Good luck!

Caffeine

New coffee maker - 17 dollars



Dunkin' Donuts coffee - 8 dollars



Easy access to large quantities of caffeine when ever I desire them - Priceless.

Can't Sleep

I went to bed at about 1 am.

I woke up at 3:30 am, and got a drink of water.

I couldn't get back to sleep, so I surfed the internet for a while. (Did you know Andy Rooney died?)

Then I tried to go back to sleep again.

Still no luck.

So, I read two chapters of a book I've been reading.

When I was sure I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, I put down the book and tried to sleep again.

I'm still awake.

It's 6:37 am.

I don't want to blame the RedBull, the cup of coffee, or the Excedrine Migraine I had yesterday . . . but it may be a contributing factor.


At least my post is done for the day.

************************************

It is now several hours later. 1:13 pm to be exact. I was finally able to fall asleep and didn't wake up until 11, only to realize that today is daylight savings and it was actually only 10 o'clock. Hoorah!

Now, for your viewing pleasure, a cute picture of a stuffed turtle I saw at the grocery store today.

Enjoy.

Something in My "Room"

Some people have bobble heads of famous sports players.

Some people have bobble heads of animals, or Santa Clause.

I have a bobble head of Steve Carell. Well, technically Maxwell Smart in the movie remake of "Get Smart".




I would like to add to my collection though. I'm thinking something in a Phil Dunphy please. Who can make that happen?

BIg News

Guess who is officially certified to serve alcohol in the city of Naperville?



That's right . . . This girl!
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How amazing is this going to look on my resume?

Gross

What's the last thing you want to find when you're folding your laundry?

Any guesses? . . .

Any guesses at all?

I'll give you a clue. It's an article of clothing . . . but it's not yours . . .

. . .

. .

.


That's right, someone else's sock*.




* I don't have a washer and dryer in the apartment I live in, so I do my laundry in the buildings laundry room. That sock could belong to anybody . . . although now it belongs to the garbage. I guess that's how socks go missing.

Who said it?

Let's play a game of "Who said it?"

I will give you one clue: It was said on a famous tv sitcom.

That should narrow it down a bit.

Here we go . . .

"You know what's weird? Donald Duck never wore pants, but whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. . . . I mean, what is that about?"

On that note, what the hell is this about?



Jon and Cadiz, you are not allowed to guess. Everyone else - Good Luck!

Mustache

November is all about two things in my book:

1.) Blogging

2.) Growing a mustache.

The first one is a matter of will power and determination. It requires sacrifice, hard work, and most importantly, the motivation to keep going when you think you have nothing left.

The second one . . . well . . . it's a little bit more simple.



Welcome to November everyone.